#1
Another pyscho lyric type thing. Fun.


"In My Shoes (it's about you)"



So, you touch his chest,
He unbuttons your dress,
...You wait to see what happens.

You lie in bed,
" I l o v e y o u "
he said.
Well, that must make it true.

He'll kiss your neck,
it's not over yet,
[there's nothing wrong with having sex]
he holds you down,
don't make a sound,
he promised he'd go s l o w . . .

Bad time to pick
feeling sick,
there's nothing to do
except admit
he's not going to " l o v e " you after this.

He's finished now
and bored of you,
get's up,
gets dressed,
leaves the room.
Are you feeling dirty? You feel abused?

TOUGH SH*T, B!TCH

It's called being used.
He strips you down,
and moves too fast
(you knew that " l o v e " wouldn't last)
and he's gone now, left, got in the car,

I hope he left you with a shattered heart.
#2
i like it! simple yet strong
"Spin the middle side topwise. Topwise!"

"And there's Jimmy Page, the biggest thief of American Blues music"
#4
Wow I liked it!

Question though, are the "l o v e"s and the "s l o w"s supposed to be spelled out? Or is it like that for emphasis? Either way I like the effect.

My favorite line was:
"Are you feeling dirty? You feel abused?

TOUGH SH*T, B!TCH

It's called being used."

It flowed quite nicely in an eccentric way. Overall I really like the sporadic, jumpy atmosphere it puts out through the random side notes and the lack of a consistent rhyme pattern.

It was a great read and I would definitely check out anything else you put out with similar style.
#5
what type of music u think would fit best with it? something heavy at a medium tempo?
"Spin the middle side topwise. Topwise!"

"And there's Jimmy Page, the biggest thief of American Blues music"
#6
Reminds me of On the brightside, she could choke by Fear Before the March Of Flames. But its still really good.

4/5

EDIT: I think it would sound pretty cool if it was acoustic and light, then you get to tough sh*t bitch and it gets heavy.
Last edited by neozeke at Mar 25, 2009,
#7
Quote by Bair
what type of music u think would fit best with it? something heavy at a medium tempo?

I can't say that I would put it with any music, it's good enough as it. But if anything, I would say an uptempo, crazy electronic/metal track similar to Mindless Self Indulgence.
#8
Quote by killsPEACHES
I can't say that I would put it with any music, it's good enough as it. But if anything, I would say an uptempo, crazy electronic/metal track similar to Mindless Self Indulgence.
i guess nothing says uptempo than "mistaking a one night stand for love" ?? lol
"Spin the middle side topwise. Topwise!"

"And there's Jimmy Page, the biggest thief of American Blues music"
#9
Quote by killsPEACHES
Wow I liked it!

Question though, are the "l o v e"s and the "s l o w"s supposed to be spelled out? Or is it like that for emphasis? Either way I like the effect.


Thank you I think these comments may have made me blush slightly.

It isn't supposed to be spelled out - basically when I wrote this first time round I messed with the fonts and the letter size, so the "l o v e" and "s l o w" was mainly for emphasis and just general boredom... ^^
#11
Oh, and on another note (sorry for the double post!) I have never really considered putting music to it necessarily. I would love to, obviously, but I get so into writing lyrics I forget about music and melody that when it is all done I just can't remember what mind set I was in (yes, pointless artisty talk there) but I like all the ideas you guys have been throwing round!!

Feels great to have something I have written discussed - people normally freak out when I show them my lyrics as apparently they're a bit scary :P what's life without a bit of "angsty teen" in us all though?
x
#12
Quote by Hesh
hello and welcome to teh forumz.
please read the rules
reported...

I'm not a dick



Sorry, I must have missed out the part about only posting one a day (I am guessing that is why I have been reported...... )

No, you're not a dick, my silly mistake.