#1
I say: I'm Jesus then I'm Judas
run like clock work then I'm late
I don't run my life by fate
My life is crazy, a parade.

SON, teach me what you can
Please, reach far as you can
Show, me the new plan
Take me far away from here

Today: I'd become anew
Fast paced and your mind blew
Past times again fade away
My life is slowly tickin' away.


SON, teach me what you can
Please, reach far as you can
Show, me the new plan
Take me far away from here

Age comes in night
Fearful for most but I'll be alright
They told be to be responsible
But I'll be alright, at least for tonight.

Don't let me down now
I don't wanna go down
I don't want to drown
So don't let me down

----PLEASE COMMENT----
#4
I really liked the first stanza. After that, it kinda went down hill. The rhyming didn't really bother me except for a couple places where you rhymed a word with itself, which is kind of a pet peeve of mine. But sometimes you simply have to use the same word, so I understand.
In the chorus, is the son teaching the father? I'm sorta asking out of curiosity I suppose. An interesting idea.
I liked your ideas, but there seemed to just be a lot of repetition of words... that's really all I can say that needs to be worked on. I'm still loving the first line. Amazing opening. I suppose the rest of it doesn't quite match that, so I kinda got my expectations way up in the beginning. All in all, I didn't find this incredible, but it's pretty good. If you could crit Doppelganger Rose in my sig, I'd appreciate it. Peace