#1
This is a poem/short story that I wrote about an hour ago. It is really an assignment for my literature class, in which we are supposed to write journal entries or what have you to convey our emotions for an upcoming poetry unit. It is written in third person. I haven't decided which parts are about me yet. None the less...


He is pacing,
Searching for something,
Searching for nothing,
He cannot ease his mind.
The slings and arrows of torrment scar up his soul.
The excuses, valid or not,
Cannot dismiss his actions.
Now he sits,
On his face an expression intense enough to shatter a mirror.
The silence that surrounds him,
It is nothing short of serene.
He looks at then in disgust.
He has never seen as fake or as self motivated people in his life.
The phony smiles,
The fake laughter,
The narrow minded, skin deep values
Instilled upon them by thier parents.
It is enough to make him sick.
He wants for them, death.
So too himself.
In each of them,
He sees a small piece of himself.
It's enough to make him sick.

Oh, and please comment!
Last edited by TremontiIsAGod at Mar 26, 2009,
#2
its a bit morbid.
like making a video of shooting kids at your school ya know?
except this is the poem that inspired that classic...


okokok past all that,
it was a bit scattered. the thought seem to get lost along in the poem's progression.

it starts off like something has gone horribly wrong, and then it just turns into what every good metal head thinks about...well everyone else who doesn't like Black Sabbath...
c'mon. a bit of himself in them?
thats sorta how I felt when I heard BS's Sweet Leaf...a little rough there huh!

so either way, I think if you run through it a coule times, find a good theme or thought and stick mostly to it, yet keep what you think are the good catchy lines, it'll be excellelant.
(spelling fail)

c4c?