#1
First piece i've ever written and it was written in under thirty minutes. It's about an affair that gets violent and includes a murder. Please tell me if anything needs changing as this is for a school assessment.

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You turn your back on me.
A scar you will never see.
The thought of being alone
Completely overwhelms me.

You've told me never to cry.
You've taught me never to lie.
You've told me we should part our own ways.
But just for how many days?

How should I - reply?
To your lips, that lie.
I'll make you cry, You'll see.
But then what will happen to me?

How should I - reply?
When all you ask is why?
I'll make you cry, You'll see.
But what will happen to me?

It's not the knife that dealt the pain.
It was my self in vain.
Hopefully you'll pass to the afterlife.
And have wished you were still my wife.

I turned my back on you.
I don't know where you'll be going to.
The thought of you not being there.
Makes my life not one bit fair.

How should I - reply?
To your lips, that lie.
I'll make you cry, You'll see.
But then what will happen to me?

How should I - reply?
When all you ask is why?
I'll make you cry, You'll see.
But what will happen to me?

I've told you never to cry.
I taught you never to lie.
I've told you we should part our own ways.
As your dead body lays.
We all decay.


Written by Leon Shannon


Written by Leon Shannon


Thankyou~
Last edited by SinisterStrieth at Mar 26, 2009,
#2
'tis good.
but you overused some rhymes wayyyy too much

cry, why, lie, and reply are overused
I'm FAT!