#1
Ok I think I got it in the right forum this time lol, and I hope I get some feedback this time too.

I finished writing this song a few nights ago. Its about how pissed I was when my gf left me for a tool. This is the first real inspiration I've had and just tell me what you think.
Rock on,
~Mike

You, you were all of my dreams come true
You, you were all I'd ever need
You, you always wanted something new
You, left me nothing to do but plead
Cause

You woke me from this dream
Put me in a nightmare
No help to come, no way to fare
Nothing is fine, nothing is well
Ever since you put me on as trip through hell

You, you ripped my heart right outa me
You, you showed me a whole new way
You, you showed me what I could not see
You, you thought everything was okay
But

You wole me from this dream
Put me in a nightmare
No help to come, no way to fare
Nothing fine, nothing well
Ever since you put me on a trip through hell
(bridge)

Now that its done
Your begging for my forgiveness
Even though your so young,
It seems like your heartless----------
(clean chorus)

You woke me from this dream
Put me in a nightmare
No help to come, no way to fare
Nothing fine, nothing well
Ever since you put me on a trip through hell
In order to live, you must be ready to die

R.I.P. DIO


FUCK JUSTIN BIEBER


Quote by Metallica_AC/DC
a mental asylum called Mike



Quote by Masamune
That's cuz you mad...Mike.

Sorry, had to get my corniness out of the way.
#2
Quote by Mad Mike 829
Ok I think I got it in the right forum this time lol, and I hope I get some feedback this time too.

I finished writing this song a few nights ago. Its about how pissed I was when my gf left me for a tool. This is the first real inspiration I've had and just tell me what you think.
Rock on,
~Mike

You, you were all of my dreams come true
You, you were all I'd ever need
You, you always wanted something new
You, left me nothing to do but plead
Cause

dont repeat you so much that much repeation killed this verse

You woke me from this dream
Put me in a nightmare
No help to come, no way to fare
Nothing is fine, nothing is well
Ever since you put me on as trip through hell

I really liked this nothing really wrong with it

You, you ripped my heart right outa me
You, you showed me a whole new way
You, you showed me what I could not see
You, you thought everything was okay
But

same with the first verse to much repeation

You woke me from this dream
Put me in a nightmare
No help to come, no way to fare
Nothing fine, nothing well
Ever since you put me on a trip through hell
(bridge)

Now that its done
Your begging for my forgiveness
Even though your so young,
It seems like your heartless----------
(clean chorus)

I really liked this

You woke me from this dream
Put me in a nightmare
No help to come, no way to fare
Nothing fine, nothing well
Ever since you put me on a trip through hell


this was a decent song, you need to work on the verses a little bit but keep the chours its really good
#3
Quote by therealtater
this was a decent song, you need to work on the verses a little bit but keep the chours its really good

Thanks man, yea the whole "you" thing sounded good at 11 at night but the more I read over it the worse its sounds :P:
In order to live, you must be ready to die

R.I.P. DIO


FUCK JUSTIN BIEBER


Quote by Metallica_AC/DC
a mental asylum called Mike



Quote by Masamune
That's cuz you mad...Mike.

Sorry, had to get my corniness out of the way.