#1
So it's been a while since i've posted anything. Tell me what you think.
critforcrit.


The green meadows reach all across the land.
It is a shame to see them have to end
Where heroes go to take their final stand
And lovers go to make final amends.

The aging trees have seen it all and more;
The epic tale of ev’ry fallen soul.
One day like lions each of them shall roar
Of their despair for when the bell does toll.

Bouquets of flowers speak the strongest words
That honor those who one day walked this earth.
Every man forget what you have heard,
The ugly part of town has the most worth.

For it is where our heroes go to rest.
Contrast just shows that they were all the best.
#2
The only problem I have with this is the repetitive rhyming, if that makes sense. Then again, I have no idea of how this is played or sung. However this does have a nice flow to it. It's a little too obvious for my taste, so I would try to make things a little more complex that way the reader/listener has to think a bit to get what you're trying to convey. My overall impression of this is that you had a great thought, but it wasn't expressed in the best manner. That can easily be changed with a few improvisions and lengthening it a bit. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to bash you piece, I just think that it could be better. I get the emotion from it, I would just hate to see that all go to waste
C4C