#1
crit4crit
A PINE-NEEDLE THROUGH SHEEPSKIN

The Big Bad Wolf put his sheepskin on
To hunt in the woods of Kingdom Come.
Serenading his prey with love letters
Written in blood with angel feathers.

And when your heart beats to his sweet song
All your life is left in the hands of God.
The hands that tore your storybook dreams
And nailed your soul upon a pine tree.

I saw the Queen of Heaven
Dress up like a pauper.
And it's obvious;
God's a selfish lover.
He does nothing for her
But bark out from his throne,
But she won't ever leave him
'Cause she's afraid to be a lone.

Prince Charming came majestically along
With a kiss to lift you up off your cross.
And you both sang an angelic chorus
With passion to burn down the whole forest.

From the ashes grew a new Paradise
Watered by the tears of joy that you cried.
But you're still lusting inside this Eden
For the the touch of pine-needles and sheepskin.

I saw the Queen of Heaven
Dress up like a pauper.
And it's obvious;
God's a selfish lover.
He does nothing for her
But bark out from his throne,
But she won't ever leave him
'Cause she's afraid to be a lone,

If you could just stop dying,
For someone who doesn't matter,
We could finally live
Happily ever after.
Last edited by themarsvolta at Nov 22, 2009,
#2
I liked this a lot. I didn't particularly agree with what it said, but I still liked it (which says a lot, I'm usually turned off by something so different from what I believe). So kudos! There were a couple places where the flow seemed a bit rough, but it was never so bad that it couldn't be remedied with just an interesting rhythm when singing/reading. I absolutely loved the first stanza and the fourth stanza. Just great work all around. If you could take a look at Doppelganger Rose in my sig, I'd appreciate it a lot. Peace
#3
I am digging this a lot!
It has such a childish(in a good way of course) theme, but at the same time such heavy meaning. this with the little cheeky rhyming here and there, and the references to both religion and fairy tails add up to be such a great piece.
I wouldn't change anything
its great.
this one is for you.
#4
i love the first two lines of the second stanza =] they be my favorite. this song is pretty solid i love it.