#1
I want to find my girlfriends real family for our birthday. (June 29th, so some ways off, and yes we have the same birthday).

Basic info is, she's adopted, but her birth mom, who could be dead for all we know, had 8 or 9 kids, and my girlfriend has only ever met one, but has lost contact with them.

So what are the chances I could find them?
Most of them have been adopted as well, and my biggest fear is that I'll get shut down because of adoption confidentiality or something. Most of them are still minors, so that might make it even harder.

But is it possible? How do I even go about doing this?

Anyone have any successful people finding stories?

Help? What information would I need?

EDIT: I'm not just pulling this out of my ass, "oh hey lets go fish some skeletons out of your closet and dangle them in your face"

She has expressed multiple times that she would like to meet them (NOT HER MOM), at least once in her life.
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Last edited by x_thurston_x at Mar 27, 2009,
#3
Does she want to find her mom?

Because if she doesn't that may be somewhat traumatic.


As far as where you could go, possibly the adoption agency? I'm not really sure how that stuff is set up but it seems like the logical first step. Also you may want to consider that if the mother wanted to remain anonymous it was for a reason and it would be better if it stayed that way.

However, I have no idea what the situation is like so for now all I can say is good luck, and hope everything works out.
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#4
Quote by Garret.
Does she want to find her mom?

Because if she doesn't that may be somewhat traumatic.


As far as where you could go, possibly the adoption agency? I'm not really sure how that stuff is set up but it seems like the logical first step. Also you may want to consider that if the mother wanted to remain anonymous it was for a reason and it would be better if it stayed that way.

However, I have no idea what the situation is like so for now all I can say is good luck, and hope everything works out.


Thank you.

And it's not her mom I want to find, because chances are, it would be impossible anyway. She herself had made it pretty clear she didn't even know that my girlfriend was alive, let alone want anything to do with her.

But it's all her brothers and sisters she want's to meet so bad.

She obsesses over this phone call she got when she was 13 from one of her 3 year old brothers who told her he loved her and missed her. I'm not sure how she lost contact though after that.
Quote by Guitar0player
You're Thurstonsexual

Happily E-Married to En_zed
The public doesn't want new music; the main thing that it demands of a composer is that he be dead.
-- Arthur Honegger

Enjoy reading? Please crit my work .
#5
That sounds waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too risky man. You need to make sure that she wants to do that 100%, because there's a definate possibility that she's going to be traumatized.
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#6
This is a very shortsighted thing for you to just go out and decide to do. If your girlfriend was interested in it and you wanted to help her, that'd be a different story. To try and dig up all of her old demons and bring them back to her without her even knowing about it is the last thing you'd want to do for someone's birthday.
It's likely that you won't succeed, but even if you did, I wouldn't really call it success. Your sister wouldn't have a nice happy birthday, she'd have to talk to her mother and siblings about their lives and why they grew up without their real family. Does that sound like something you'd want to spring on someone?
Last edited by Glen'sHeroicAct at Mar 27, 2009,
#7
I'm 100% positive she wants this.
She brings it up all the time, but she has absolutely NO idea how to go about finding any of them.

Of course I wouldn't do it otherwise. But I haven't really thought of why her adopted family hasn't really put any effort into helping her.

Maybe there is a reason.
I'd have to ask.
Quote by Guitar0player
You're Thurstonsexual

Happily E-Married to En_zed
The public doesn't want new music; the main thing that it demands of a composer is that he be dead.
-- Arthur Honegger

Enjoy reading? Please crit my work .
#8
Quote by x_thurston_x
Thank you.

And it's not her mom I want to find, because chances are, it would be impossible anyway. She herself had made it pretty clear she didn't even know that my girlfriend was alive, let alone want anything to do with her.

But it's all her brothers and sisters she want's to meet so bad.

She obsesses over this phone call she got when she was 13 from one of her 3 year old brothers who told her he loved her and missed her. I'm not sure how she lost contact though after that.


Hmm, I guess that's different but if the kids are still minors it may lead back to the mother anyways which may not be the best thing to happen.

Like I said though, I really have no idea how any of this stuff works but does she at least know any of the siblings names? there are a lot of ways for people to find each other with the internet and stuff, so it would still be possible that way. If she doesn't know any names I imagine it's probably not going to happen, especially if everything was done anonymously/confidentially.
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#9
I am adopted. DO NOT DO IT.
Any spelling or grammatical errors written above are because of my inferior brain to yours. Good job, you won life.
#10
Definitely ask her parents (adopted parents of course ) first, and find out what the deal is with that. They may want to help with that, and any help you can get would be excellent in this situation. Maybe they know which adoption agency it was or whatever. I don't really know anything about this, except that asking them would be your best bet.

Good luck with that, man. Sounds like an awesome idea to me.
Last edited by metalderek at Mar 27, 2009,
#11
Quote by ScottElwood
I am adopted. DO NOT DO IT.

are you being serious? or just joking......
#12
Quote by geetar_man0
are you being serious? or just joking......


I am 100% serious.

I was adopted at birth, I never knew my real parents and I have no idea if I have any siblings. I have one adopted brother and he has Asbergers disease which makes it hard to get along with him, and he pretty much doesn't like me because of that. To add, I look nothing like my adopted family, I have blonde hair and blue eyes, the typical Swedish kid. The rest of my family, including my extended family, all have dark hair and are very greek. I could not be more different from them.

This is something that she has to do for her own self. Being adopted is a really weird situation that is hard to understand. I love my adopted parents to death, and if I were to look for my real parents I feel that it would be a stab in the back to them, even when I know they would support me 100% if I wanted to find out who my parents were.

I don't even know how to describe the feelings that can be brought up in this situation. If she wants to find out who her real relatives are then let that be her choice. As far as I am concerned though, my adopted parents are my real parents, and that could be her feelings as well, and if they aren't then she can handle finding the parents.
Any spelling or grammatical errors written above are because of my inferior brain to yours. Good job, you won life.
Last edited by ScottElwood at Mar 27, 2009,
#14
Quote by x_thurston_x
I want to find my girlfriends real family for our birthday. (June 29th, so some ways off, and yes we have the same birthday).

Basic info is, she's adopted, but her birth mom, who could be dead for all we know, had 8 or 9 kids, and my girlfriend has only ever met one, but has lost contact with them.

So what are the chances I could find them?
Most of them have been adopted as well, and my biggest fear is that I'll get shut down because of adoption confidentiality or something. Most of them are still minors, so that might make it even harder.

But is it possible? How do I even go about doing this?

Anyone have any successful people finding stories?

Help? What information would I need?

EDIT: I'm not just pulling this out of my ass, "oh hey lets go fish some skeletons out of your closet and dangle them in your face"

She has expressed multiple times that she would like to meet them (NOT HER MOM), at least once in her life.


Sorry, but I had to point that out...well..I didn't really. Oh well.

My best wishes to you and your girlfriend, I really hope you have the chance to meet her family with her.
#16
Do you actually have the same birthday, or have you started sharing things to the extent that you consider her birthday to belong to both of you?
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
#17
If you're really serious about it you could probably hire a private investigator. I'm sure it's not all that rare a situation. But I would also recommend you do it cautiously(i.e. don't hire some sketchy back ally guy), and like someone said, talk to her adopted parents first.
One Sexy Canadian Man.

...and single too.
#18
Quote by whalepudding
Do you actually have the same birthday, or have you started sharing things to the extent that you consider her birthday to belong to both of you?


She was born on the same day as me, two years later.
I have no idea what that last part of that question means.

I think it's really cool, I can never forget it.

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If you're referring to me I have no idea what you're talking about.

Quote by ScottElwood
I am 100% serious.

I was adopted at birth, I never knew my real parents and I have no idea if I have any siblings. I have one adopted brother and he has Asbergers disease which makes it hard to get along with him, and he pretty much doesn't like me because of that. To add, I look nothing like my adopted family, I have blonde hair and blue eyes, the typical Swedish kid. The rest of my family, including my extended family, all have dark hair and are very greek. I could not be more different from them.

This is something that she has to do for her own self. Being adopted is a really weird situation that is hard to understand. I love my adopted parents to death, and if I were to look for my real parents I feel that it would be a stab in the back to them, even when I know they would support me 100% if I wanted to find out who my parents were.

I don't even know how to describe the feelings that can be brought up in this situation. If she wants to find out who her real relatives are then let that be her choice. As far as I am concerned though, my adopted parents are my real parents, and that could be her feelings as well, and if they aren't then she can handle finding the parents.


She's not interested in ever meeting her mom. For all we know, she is either dead, or in jail somewhere. She gave up all her children. And as for her father, there's no possible way of finding him. He was a "client"...

She just wants to find some of her siblings, and she's expressed this many many times before. But I don't want to cause any trauma either, but I mean as long as it's not her biological mother, I think she's fine with it all.
Quote by Guitar0player
You're Thurstonsexual

Happily E-Married to En_zed
The public doesn't want new music; the main thing that it demands of a composer is that he be dead.
-- Arthur Honegger

Enjoy reading? Please crit my work .
Last edited by x_thurston_x at Mar 27, 2009,
#20
dude thats a wonderful idea
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#22
I really wouldn't bother the whole meeting up would just be traumatic for your girlfriend. It's a really nice thought but it isn't going to happen so I wouldn't even try. If she wanted to look for her family she would tell you and you could both do it together but untill she's ready it's a really bad idea.
#23
You can try, but pretty much all of the information you'll be looking for initially would be considered confidential, finding real parents is one thing finding siblings (esp without finding the parents) is a whole different ballgame.
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#24
Do it, but don't tell her you are. For all you know, you could find some of them and they'll turn out to be hookers or something. Look by yourself, and if you find somebody who you imagine she could maintain a relationship with, then definetly introduce them to each other.