#1
i'm the mother and the brother.

aww damn,

another faulty attempt
another bruise to the fruit
my pen's too wild and
that bastard turned on me
rammed my heart
but all i bleed is the ink.
so tonight i sleep
in white parchment
wrapped up, wringing me
dry, tonight i'll let my dreams
decide what words are right
'cause
sometimes it's just better
that way -

or maybe i'm just full of it.

when i wake up
i face the product
break it's will
and hope to God-it
doesn't lash out on me.
beady eyes and the dry
expressions of a writer's solitude
yes, my demons have
escaped me;
me holding the pen,
the pen holding their
imprisonment and
you might be a part of all this
because the prison
is everything
i
do not
show you -

or maybe i'm just full of it.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#3
ok?
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#4
That's interesting cause I only read from the middle of the first paragraph onwards and skipped the last line entirely


edit: ok ok. I liked this. It read very well and the content continues to grow on me with each read. This picked up speed as it went on up until "because the prison" which was a great use of pace changing. I think you did a good job with this topic.

the prison
is everything
i
do not
show you -

ain't it the truth. Damn.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
Last edited by jiminizzle at Mar 27, 2009,
#5
hmm...that is sort of odd.
i just re-read it and, it looks like certain parts aren't even there until i look closer.
that's....kinda ****ed up.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
Last edited by ottoavist at Mar 27, 2009,
#6
haha maybe that's what happened to that other guy and he just had enough of it and gave up.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#7
I actually liked this piece a lot, and I usually hate pieces like this, I like how you made a break up creative no one does that anymore this is an amazing piece I didnt really like the title though to be honest but besides this, and I know this is the third time I've said it, this is a great piece. if you dont mind criting my newest piece Survival there is a link in my sig
#8
thanks guys.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#9
I don't want to come across as an idiot but seriously in my opinion I thought It was ok but not that great .

It felt like you were going somewhere and suddenly u started talking about something else but in the end you were able to tie whole thing together and sold it with a certain sense of mystique

Sorry for the stupid comment
Hi