#1
Hey guys Im writing a blues song, would appreciate any feedback. I have no knowledge of writing songs, i just wrote what I felt and had some sort of rhythm.


Now here’s my baby she sat in the wind ……..
Wearing a bright red skirt she looked so fine…….
Saying with her eyes why she don’t want me no more
Said I wasn’t the type or what she was looking for
But saying goodbye to my lady ……was just too much to bear.
So I dream this dream away………about a lady just so fair,
I hear my bell ringing…… but no one’s at my door….
So stay awhile…… walk with me on memory lane
Now you just take you away from me
I’m left here with me
BabY BabYyyyyy… you were my number one lady
Sitting here singing the blues in your name
You turn me away send me home with a sad look on my face
While I sleep the blues away.
Last edited by harkkam at Mar 27, 2009,
#2
Well, first off, just keep writing. There isn't really much "knowledge" to be had. Just write what you feel, as you are, and try to make it fresh and interesting. That's really all there is to it (and the thesaurus is your very best friend).

As for what you've got here, I liked it. A bit short, but being a blues song you probably sing it slowly right? In which case that's not an issue. I liked the line about the doorbell, but "memory lane" is sort of a cliche little phrase, perhaps look for a different way to say it. There's an idiom dictionary here (http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/) that may give you a new phrase you could use somehow that is a little different and not so overused or stale. The repetition of blues in the third to last and the last line was a bit much I think. Perhaps "While I sleep this song away" would be a way of saying the same thing, but without repeating "the blues". Good stuff, keep up the good work. If you could crit Doppelganger Rose in my sig, I'd really appreciate it. Good luck with this, it's promising. Peace!