#1
This is for an English class assignment.

I'm halfway through editing the third draft, so I decided to post the second draft here. I need to get a complete version out in two week's time, so your criticism is appreciated.

I'll try not to get hurt by your caustic comments.


Note: I've uploaded it as a .txt file, which kind of means that the hidden messages are lost. Oh well.

EDIT: I've uploaded the final version.
Attachments:
saf.txt
Last edited by Time Seller at Apr 6, 2009,
#3
I guarantee your teacher will hand this paper back to you saying this:


"F

tl:dr"
I want to work in revelations, not just spin silly tales for money.I want to fish as deep down as possible into my own subconscious in the belief that once that far down, everyone will understand because they are the same that far down.
#5
Quote by tremeloud
I guarantee your teacher will hand this paper back to you saying this:


"F

tl:dr"


Fail.

Also, TS, I tell this to everyone who posts their assignments here, you might want to upload the story a text file, and remove the actual assignment from the post so that you don't get done for plagiarism (even though it's your own work).
#6
Quote by soulflyV
Fail.

Also, TS, I tell this to everyone who posts their assignments here, you might want to upload the story a text file, and remove the actual assignment from the post so that you don't get done for plagiarism (even though it's your own work).


Ah. Lol plagiarism for my own work. That would suck.

Thanks though.
#8
I have only two questions: DID the taxman take all your dough, and ARE you now left here in your stately home?
#9
TS that was a good read. I cant see anything wrong with it. Good work
Funky

Quote by thedefrockednun
you made my day

Quote by el-ECTRO
bada bing or whatever he's called. EPIC WIN.




Mighty Blades
#10
Quote by King Krapp
I have only two questions: DID the taxman take all your dough, and ARE you now left here in your stately home?


The Codex Gigas was once considered the eighth wonder of the world; the book is three feet long and weighs a hundred and sixty-five pounds. It has 600 pages which, contrary to legend, are made from calf skins, not donkey skins. The Codex Gigas includes a combination of texts found nowhere else. In addition to the full text of the Latin bible, the book contains herbals, history books, cures for dangerous illnesses, texts caring for the soul, medical formulas for treating illnesses and diseases, conjurations, and even solutions to problems such as finding a thief.
#13
Quote by Deliriumbassist
Just a point- you can use "2008" instead of two thousand and eight when specifying a year.


I thought it fit into the whole idea of this guy overthinking things. I guess not.


Quote by jemjabella42
I enjoyed it...
But may I ask what the assignment is?


Thank you.

We have to write a short story that takes place in less than an hour (see, I cheated. Mine only lasts 1 minute, technically) and explores at least one social issue (I decided to do on perception and fragile relationships). The best stories get published in an anthology.
#16
Quote by King Krapp
I have only two questions: DID the taxman take all your dough, and ARE you now left here in your stately home?


Well done! Was gonna make a Kinks joke myself...
#17
I didnt read the whole thing just the first quarter and the last quarter....quite interesting and awesome detail...it was like dickens...taking a whole page to describe a blade of grass...lol

Really, props.
"A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government."
- Edward Abbey


"A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students."
- John Ciardi
#18
Quote by jjlane86
I didnt read the whole thing just the first quarter and the last quarter....quite interesting and awesome detail...it was like dickens...taking a whole page to describe a blade of grass...lol

Really, props.


Hah, Dickens.

Thanks though. Was my first time writing a short story.
#19
The Sun is grinning brightly

I stopped reading here.
VENUSIAN
FB SC BC TW
Patterns In The Ivy present ethnicity on an intriguing and dedicated level. ~Ambient Exotica
A mesmeric melange of yearning voice, delicate piano and carefully chosen samples. ~Lost Voices
#20
"It is a year ago; it is two thousand and eight."

When i read that i was thinking "Oh great, it's set in the future..."
Until i relised 2008 was last year.

Anyway. I thought that was great. There were some very minor parts that were a little muddeled and could of been a bit sharper and too-the-point, but overall, i really enjoyed it.
I'll run in the rain till Im breathless
When Im breathless I'll run till I drop
The thoughts of a fools kind of careless
Im just a fool waiting on the wrong block.
Last edited by GeeGar at Apr 7, 2009,
#21
Quote by GeeGar
"It is a year ago; it is two thousand and eight."

When i read that i was thinking "Oh great, it's set in the future..."
Until i relised 2008 was last year.

Anyway. I thought that was great. There were some very minor parts that were a little muddeled and could of been a bit sharper and too-the-point, but overall, i really enjoyed it.


Haha. Yeah, that part wasn't that clear, I guess. Thanks.

Glad you enjoyed it then.
#22
I enjoyed this story. I didn't see the XXXX XXXXX coming man, I was like, "XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX"

Edit: I realised after I posted that I gave away the ending so I changed anything that would have given away to "X"
Last edited by devourke at Jan 27, 2010,
#23
Quote by devourke
I enjoyed this story. I didn't see the XXXX XXXXX coming man, I was like, "XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX"

Edit: I realised after I posted that I gave away the ending so I changed anything that would have given away to "X"


Heh.
#24
What is with people's fascination with bumping old threads tonight?
Quote by Tyler Durden
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Erowid
#26
Quote by Time Seller
Was going through subscriptions, didn't see this reply before? Why so butthurt?

I'm not. You just bumped your own thread from almost two months ago with a
Quote by Tyler Durden
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Erowid