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#1
And he's becoming really depressed about it. He won't even come out and drink with us anymore because he thinks everyone will laugh at him for it since his sister kind of leaked it to someone, who told someone...you know how stuff is.

So I'm asking the Pit (yeah, I don't know why either): How can I get my buddy off his couch and inside a woman?

Yes, we have considered rape, but in the end 10-20 years in jail really isn't worth it, especially because of the risk of getting buttf*cked. And he's too depressed to fap anymore.

EDIT: This thread is not about me. I am gay.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
Last edited by shadow__666 at Apr 1, 2009,
#2
Hookers? Logical solution.
Quote by duncang
maybe it's because i secrely agree that tracedin inymballsackistheb best album ever


he's got the fire and the fury,
at his command
well you don't have to worry,
if you hold onto jesus' hand
#5
It's really not that hard... almost all women are sluts.
[[[The Game]]]
Quote by VictorVella

This thread proves Gigatiran is awesome, and a lot more awesome than your average awesome. I bet he even owns a duster like Dennis Reynolds.
#6
Quote by Gigatiran
It's really not that hard... almost all women are sluts.


This. You/your firend are just poon getting n00bs.
Quote by LaGrange
an 08er made me lol
good one!


yes, I bring teh luhlz.
#9
Buy your "friend" a hooker
Quote by JeanMi36
Back when I was a teen, I was making out with this girl, when I had the bright idea of putting my hand inside her panties.

She had her period.

I'm scarred for life
#10
Tell him who gives a f*ck what people think...? If he doesn't want to go out with you guys yet then go to his place and play video games or something, maybe that support could get him to a point where he feels he'd like to go out with his mates. Dunno what else, he does seem pretty depressed. Be there to talk I suppose.
#11
"We're" both uni students who have to work and study at the same time.

So yeah. Too poor for hookers.

I don't know why I put that in inverted commas, it just seems to be the cool thing to do on the Pit these days.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
Last edited by shadow__666 at Mar 29, 2009,
#13
Look, if he's not physically or mentally deformed that's all he really needs.

Introduce him to a girl, set up on a blind date, something.

You said parties, so make sure he wears something nice, doesn't act depressed, and just introduce him to a girl that is single. Get them both drunk and voila.

It's not rocket science, people.
[[[The Game]]]
Quote by VictorVella

This thread proves Gigatiran is awesome, and a lot more awesome than your average awesome. I bet he even owns a duster like Dennis Reynolds.
#14
how old are you is your friend?
You're using UG classic, congratulations.
You should be using UG classic.




E-Married to Guitar0Player

http://the llama forum because its gone forever which sucks and I hate it.
#15
Quote by Gigatiran
Look, if he's not physically or mentally deformed that's all he really needs.

Introduce him to a girl, set up on a blind date, something.

You said parties, so make sure he wears something nice, doesn't act depressed, and just introduce him to a girl that is single. Get them both drunk and voila.

It's not rocket science, people.

And how do I get him off my couch? You see, he's also my roommate - I wouldn't bother otherwise.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#16
Quote by Gigatiran
Look, if he's not physically or mentally deformed that's all he really needs.

Introduce him to a girl, set up on a blind date, something.

You said parties, so make sure he wears something nice, doesn't act depressed, and just introduce him to a girl that is single. Get them both drunk and voila.

It's not rocket science, people.



Once again, this. This man knows his stuff.
Quote by LaGrange
an 08er made me lol
good one!


yes, I bring teh luhlz.
#17
How did I know that everyone would cast aspersions on my sex life?

Stupid stereotypes...
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#18
Quote by shadow__666
My friend's a virgin...
"My friend", lol.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#19
You get him off the couch by saying that no woman wants a worthless sack of ****.

I know tons of guys that get girls way out of their league just because they try. It's only about confidence.

Does he ever talk to girls or has he had a girlfriend?
[[[The Game]]]
Quote by VictorVella

This thread proves Gigatiran is awesome, and a lot more awesome than your average awesome. I bet he even owns a duster like Dennis Reynolds.
#20
Pretty sure most people don't care what your friend is, so he shouldn't be worried.

If it really upsets him, he could just say his sister is a liar.
XIAOXI
#21
damn... tell him to meet chicks online. stalk their bebos and facebooks and whatnot.
MaKing thE possiBlE...
...totaLlY impossible
#22
He went to an all boys school (as did I) but his parents were repressive arseholes - he never got the chance to pick up drunk chicks like everyone else did. So no, he's never had a girlfriend and he freezes up around hot women.

And no, I'm not a virgin - I could prove it, but I don't want to get banned just because I was showing the Pit my ex girlfriend's tits.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#24
Wait... Did you seriously just call quotation marks "inverted commas"? Please say it's so....

Also, having a picture of a girl's tits on your computer doesn't mean you're not a virgin.
Demolition hands.... Got 'em!
Last edited by merfsullivan at Mar 29, 2009,
#25
Maybe you should join some date website and find a girl.... Oh sorry, "your friend" should... Right...."My friend".....
Guitars:
Ibanez S5470 w/ DiMarzio Crunch Lab & Liquifire
Ibanez RG1527
Ibanez SA160
Ibanez E-Acoustic
Selfmade Telecaster w/ DiMarzio Twang King & Chopper T



"Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream"
#26
Quote by Abunai X
Pretty sure most people don't care what your friend is, so he shouldn't be worried.

If it really upsets him, he could just say his sister is a liar.

He basically admitted it was the truth. Plus it was my fault his sister ended up saying it in the first place - we had a party, I got her drunk with the intention of nailing her, instead she blabs to another guy who doesn't like him much, he spreads it and in the past three days he's been living on my couch.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#27
Quote by EnyoAdonai
damn... tell him to meet chicks online. stalk their bebos and facebooks and whatnot.


That's not even a bad idea, there are lots of desperate chicks that give out phone numbers in chat rooms, etc. Tell him to just text one of them and trade pics.

Then he doesn't have to act awkward when he first meets them, because he can think about what he wants to say, and sex is a lot easier to bring up, because that's what both were looking for anyway.

Although, he should make sure they're over 18.
Don't want Chris Hansen showing up.
[[[The Game]]]
Quote by VictorVella

This thread proves Gigatiran is awesome, and a lot more awesome than your average awesome. I bet he even owns a duster like Dennis Reynolds.
#28
Quote by Gigatiran
It's really not that hard... almost all women are sluts.

+
Quote by Gigatiran
Introduce him to a girl, set up on a blind date, something.

You said parties, so make sure he wears something nice, doesn't act depressed, and just introduce him to a girl that is single. Get them both drunk and voila.

=
Quote by Plarx
Win...
......
#29
Quote by merfsullivan
Wait... Did you seriously just call quotation marks "inverted commas"? Please say it's so....

Also, having a picture of a girl's tits on your computer doesn't mean you're not a virgin.

Quotation marks, inverted commas - what are you, a vocabulary Nazi?

And I shall ignore the second part because anything I say will just fuel the fire anymore.

I just thought I'd post this to see the responses anyway. I expected more from the Pit...the creativity/stupidity levels have gone downhill from when I used to spam round these parts.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#30
Quote by Gigatiran
You get him off the couch by saying that no woman wants a worthless sack of ****.

I know tons of guys that get girls way out of their league just because they try. It's only about confidence.

Does he ever talk to girls or has he had a girlfriend?


Oh, you don't have to tell me twice about that.
But it's true. Just go for it and be casual.
You straight up tell them whats on your mind (not everything, you still need to be tactful) and what you want.
This works easier for wimmins that have been around the block tho. Virgin chicks are prudish---very ****ing prudish---around their whorish friends.
You gotta remember that those sluts were once virgins too though.
#31
Go to a party. Get girls drunk. It's not that hard at all.
At least not where I live.
#32
i dont get why people worry about that stuff.

sex isnt that good. like, yeah, it feels good, but in the end, your left with a wet dick and sex rash.

noone should judge/be judge on weather they get it on. if hes depressed about it, get him to say hes waiting till marriage till he looses it.

ohh, and FYI, not fapping and having sex for the first time will end in a very embarrassing 20sec of fame cumshot
*Enter Sig Here*
#33
Quote by Leni
Go to Essex.

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#34
I guess just the one thing I'd have to tell your friend is that women are not that different from men when it comes to sex.

They want it just as much as you do.
They really don't care who they get it from. (when they're single)
They look at just as much porn as you do.
And they all have crazy ass fetishes.

The only difference is, they don't think logically and they expect you to make the first move.
[[[The Game]]]
Quote by VictorVella

This thread proves Gigatiran is awesome, and a lot more awesome than your average awesome. I bet he even owns a duster like Dennis Reynolds.
#35
Quote by Gigatiran

Although, he should make sure they're over 18.
Don't want Chris Hansen showing up.


I came here looking for a tab for Into the Night, scrolled down and saw this thread. I actually read it, and I am glad I did. I registered just to post this message.

This thread proves Gigatiran is awesome, and a lot more awesome than your average awesome. I bet he even owns a duster like Dennis Reynolds.

Gigatiran you are awesome and I want to be like you.
#36
What's the deal with Essex? I'm not British, so I don't get the joke.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#38
Quote by Hale_91
i dont get why people worry about that stuff.

sex isnt that good. like, yeah, it feels good, but in the end, your left with a wet dick and sex rash.

noone should judge/be judge on weather they get it on. if hes depressed about it, get him to say hes waiting till marriage till he looses it.

ohh, and FYI, not fapping and having sex for the first time will end in a very embarrassing 20sec of fame cumshot


You usually want to empty one round from the chamber if your under 30 or not high/drunk/wired.
Lets face it; your not gunna last more than 5 minutes under those conditions. I'm not counting foreplay and all that ****. I'm talking about pounding time.
haha, gives new meaning to Hammertime...
#39
Quote by shadow__666
What's the deal with Essex? I'm not British, so I don't get the joke.


Son... Don't wish you were British.

And I'm going to sig the hell out of this thread.

*away to remake profile*
[[[The Game]]]
Quote by VictorVella

This thread proves Gigatiran is awesome, and a lot more awesome than your average awesome. I bet he even owns a duster like Dennis Reynolds.
#40
Quote by Hale_91
ohh, and FYI, not fapping and having sex for the first time will end in a very embarrassing 20sec of fame cumshot


Only if you're a n00b


Or if the girl is...
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