#1
A strip of skin
peeled off an orange
and grinned at me.
That wide circumference
wrapping around it's mouth
stood grinning at me
and I grinned back
what else could I do?

Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#2
Have oral sex with the orange
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
#3
This was hectic for such a small piece.

I can't quite figure out why there was an "and" on the third line.

I think it's really odd that I have no idea why I like this. It seems too disjointed to really understand, but that's probably a quality you need not worry about, but just 'go with'.
#4
'peeled' is an action that someone does to something, not something that's just done. Skin 'peels', but Katherine 'peeled' the orange or the orange was 'peeled' (by Katherine), I don't think that it just 'peeled' off the orange. Either way, that phrasing is very odd (I was expecting it without the 'and' before grinned as although it lacks punctuation that would make even that meaning clear, it still makes more sense).

And that was half of your piece.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#5
you could write a poem about peeling an orange i guess

I really don't know what to make of this at all, sorry.
#7
This is honestly making me feel like you were doing shrooms or LSD while writing this. I can't make any sense of it, except that it feels right, while at the same time...so unnatural. It flows beautifully though. It's a nice poem for sure.
#8
Quote by DigUpHerBones
'peeled' is an action that someone does to something, not something that's just done. Skin 'peels', but Katherine 'peeled' the orange or the orange was 'peeled' (by Katherine), I don't think that it just 'peeled' off the orange. Either way, that phrasing is very odd (I was expecting it without the 'and' before grinned as although it lacks punctuation that would make even that meaning clear, it still makes more sense).

And that was half of your piece.


yeah, but I was aiming for the speaker of the poem giving the impression of an absent state of mind in which routine tasks are done half-consciously and when they're done you wonder if you really need to be part of it to do it at all, as if the "task just did itself" without your aid. Hence the orange peeling itself.


Oh and to people wondering what the poem is about, when you peel an orange across it's circumference, and kind of don't peel it all the way, it forms a smile where the skin has been peeled (where the flesh has been exposed), and the speaker in an absent/bored/uninspired saw the resemblance of a smile in the shape of that. And gave of that reaction,

the same reaction we get when see things like





and decidingly non-orange example:




oh and if anyone wants me to crit anything, please do tell me. I want to do good
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#9
It seems disjointed and completely random, but I get the feeling by the length of it (and the fact that you just said it) that you did that on purpose.


As I like abstract, weird random stuff like this, I really liked it. A bit short though. It kinda left me wanting more. If you want, I would really appreciate if you took a look at the first one in my sig.


Very nice. I just wish you would have made it longer.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black