#1
I wrote this to a riff, like it followed the guitar word for word but when i read it sounds mostly right so yea here goes

You have come to slaughter our children
You have come to kill us all
Stillborn babies lie in the road
Bloodstain marks thier mother's grave

Justice is no longer here now
Books and bibles burn all day
Merchants, farmers, pheasants and slaves
All cut the same by your Blade

The village is desolate now
No one left there is alive
Three days to return to your king
As you turn your back, you can still hear the children's cries (thank you vypor it's a lot better!!! i'll try to make it my own)

Day one there is no regret
Time to cleanse the skin
Blood floats down the river
Never to be seen again
Night falls as you grow weary
Time to sleep my friend

Day two approuches as you know
Feel the feeling of remorse
Your Hands grow colder than the snow
As you ride-on your pale horse
Visions appear of your gorey fights
Stop here and rest for the dark night

Day 3
Your visions have not stopped
Threw the night they occurred
Seemingly more and more real
Feel the hate of those you've burned

Thats what I have for now I'm not done but I would like to know how I'm doing so far and the first section I'm thinking of spacing it at different parts Ill repost the finished product but I'd would like crits
Last edited by midnight ride at Aug 16, 2009,
#2
I like it. Very cool, Very dark, and very well put together.

Instead of Like a bee return to your hive, say somthing like

As you turn your back, you can still hear the childrens cries.

Or somthing like that, I personally think the "hive" sounds fine, but out of context. But do whatever, you get props from me.
#3
Very nice Dustin. I think this sounds epic, especially the guitar following the vocals.
Obviously Fassa.
#4
I like it; it's gruesome, but doesn't use that as a crutch to carry the peice (I've seen that done before, not a fan......). It has a meaning, a storyline, darkness, gruesomeness, and beauty, all in it's own way. As I said again, I like it.

C4C? It's in my sig.