#1
This song is about my best friend who was murdered. Comments are appreciated. C4C


Sweaters and Forged Letters

I knew you so well, remember those times?
We were the wind that blew their chimes.

Up on stage we played all night,
we'd fly bass guitars like they were kites.

You'd destroy everything but me,
your faithful sweater don't they see.

I was the sliver in your skin.
You were the tonic, I was the gin.

Chorus:
I was your sweater.
Red and black, for worse or better.
You hung me out to dry,
I might have smelled but we got by.

I remember our last day,
where I sat and where you lay.

I know it's been many years,
but the lies still bring me to tears.

(This next paragraph needs to fit better. Any suggestions?
We all know it was love,
Masquerading as a dove.
I should have known better,
I saw her forge the letter.)

Chorus:
I was your sweater.
Red and black, for worse or better.
You hung me out to dry,
I might have smelled but we got by.

My color is fading fast,
but the memories will forever last.
I will not forget my dearest friend
even when I reach my end.
Last edited by muel333 at Jun 27, 2009,
#2
My thoughts about these kind of songs are that they are the best songs in the world of music. I don't think the "I-was-that-you-was-that"-stuff fits but that's my general thought of lyrics. Although it's touching and you loved your friend. 4/5 C4C at signature.


You can teach anyone to play fast, but you gotta have soul.
-Zakk Wylde


My set:
Gibson SG Faded Cherry
Peavy Rage 158
Boss DS-1 Distortion
#3
I really like this. It flows really well and the stanzas all fit. The poetic devices used fit in really well and I like the sweater metaphor. Nice job =]
My gear:


Dean Dimebag Dixie Rebel Razorback
Ibanez RG220B
Laney HCM60R Amp
Digitech Black 13 Scott Ian Sig Pedal
Morley Classic Wah
#4
Quote by muel333
This song is about my best friend who was murdered. Comments are appreciated. C4C


Sweaters and Forged Letters

I knew you so well, remember those times?
We were the wind that blew their chimes.

Can't say I'm a huge fan of this, it just doesn't seem a strong enough start, personally.

Up on stage we played all night,
we'd fly bass guitars like they were kites.

I love this, works great, sounds great, its just great lol

You'd destroy everything but me,
your faithful sweater don't they see.

I dont get where this came from? this whole piece obviously has a background story, but bits and pieces dont run together. So it comes off a bit choppy.

I was the sliver in your skin.
You were the tonic, I was the gin.

I like this, it works well, like the second stanza.

Chorus:
I was your sweater.
Red and black, for worse or better.
You hung me out to dry,
I might have smelled but we got by.

Not a very pretty imagery, but this song is supposed to be like a "better or worse" theme, so in that sense it works.

I remember our last day,
where I sat and where you lay.

Stong, well done.

I know it's been many years,
but the lies still bring me to tears.

As above, very stong.

You are my only love.
Murder is it's name,
peace is just a dove.

This doesn't work, sounds awkward off the tongue.

Chorus:
I was your sweater.
Red and black, for worse or better.
You hung me out to dry,
I might have smelled but we got by.

My color is fading fast,
but the memories will forever last.
I will not forget my dearest friend
even when I reach my end.

this is a wonderful way to end it, well done.


It was a bit hit and miss for me, a solid piece of work with a few little flaws that if ironed out could make this really quite good, cheers for looking at Fireflies Through A Skylight for me,
Cheers
#5
Thanks. I changed the one part but couldn't get it to be long enough to fit right. Any suggestions?
#6
I really enjoyed this. I thought it was a touching homage to your friend. However, I was slightly confused at some parts, notably the second verse. You may be referring to something very personal but as a 3rd party reader, I have no idea what "lies" you are referring to or who this "her" is that forged letters. Maybe I'm missing something, but it seems like you were trying to squeeze in too many details to this story in too few lines. However, besides that I thought it was really well-written. I especially liked the line of "flying bass guitars like kites". I'm sorry for your loss also.

Thanks for commenting mine, btw.
here, My Dear, here it is
#7
However personal I made this seem, most people should know what this song is based off of. I never met "my best friend" in person, i stretched the truth to make a possible scenario to which i'd be given feedback to. I wanted to see if anyone could look deeper than what i said and actually find similarities to a real death. The clues are definately there, even the famous red and black sweater should be a dead give away. Hopefully somone will be able to figure it out, it's pretty obvious.......
#8
the sweater is Kurt Cobain's famous sweater. The forged letter refers to a song called Letter to God he wrote for Courtney Love to use with her band. +1 bagillion for me! If you don't mind, I would really appreciate some crit on the piece in my sig.
#9
This was all really good! like it flowed really smoothly however i do have one suggestion:

I might have smelled but we got by.

not a big fan of that line...i dont really know what you would change it to but i just think it could be better.

Crit my songs? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1166006
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#12
very good piece and I didnt really see any problems with it rhyming seemed forced a little but its not a big deal, I dont think it flowed well and it was a good read if you dont mind criting mine there is a link in the sig
#14
haha, really clever meaning. I love songs like this! But... He wasnt murdered, I'm pretty sure. There are theories that Dave Grohl killed him, but that's unlikely. Unless you were saying that suicide is murder, I kinda like that, but if thats the case than you should put a line about that in the song. Also good flow most of the time, but it broke up in the middle a little bit, but thats okay.
Quote by turd_ferguson
[0:17] If my parents knew I was part of a group who celebrated christmas by drinking cough syrup they would probably cry

WEATHERER, the greatest band ever.