#1
Your beautiful eyes of blue,
looking up towards me.
I want to spend hours staring at you,
taking in the beauty I see.

Babe, I love you.
If you asked, I'd bring you the moon.
I'll love you until the sky isn't blue.
And I promise all this **** will be over soon.

I hate being so far away,
the distance bothers me.
I can feel it every day.
Farther away then we need to be.

I miss you right now,
the feeling is worse than ever.
I long to see you somehow,
I have to wait 'till Sunday however.

I need you,
I can't face this life alone.
No one else will do,
only you on the other side of that phone.

Please baby, just hold on,
we have so much more to live for.
I'll love you for many years more.
Also known as forever.

Please don't be too harsh, this was written as a smushy poem to my fiance, as I was away on a business trip and she was rather... well bluntly suicidal at the time. I realize it has a very basic AB-AB rhyme scheme but please don't be too harsh. C4C or whatever you want to do, thanks in advance for the critique =]
My gear:


Dean Dimebag Dixie Rebel Razorback
Ibanez RG220B
Laney HCM60R Amp
Digitech Black 13 Scott Ian Sig Pedal
Morley Classic Wah
#3
Quote by CFH Hateph34r


I hate being so far away,
the distance bothers me.
I can feel it every day.
Farther away then we need to be.



Isn't it further? I dunno, I'm not born into the English language so I maybe worng for sure It's pretty much like all other love poetry, it doesn't stick out of the mass (language problem again >_< if you know what I mean but since it to someone you care really much about nothing else than her appretiation matters, I wrote a poem for my GF yesterday and it wasn't good but she liked it and understood the message and that's the most important. Godd luck in the future with your fiance. C4C would be super, lyrics in signature.


You can teach anyone to play fast, but you gotta have soul.
-Zakk Wylde


My set:
Gibson SG Faded Cherry
Peavy Rage 158
Boss DS-1 Distortion
Last edited by benno11 at Jun 27, 2009,
#4
Thanks! I'll critique whoever wanted me to, and yes it was supposed to be further but I made a typo. Everything is much better now, I wrote this months ago, but never got around to posting it. Thanks again for the critiques =]
My gear:


Dean Dimebag Dixie Rebel Razorback
Ibanez RG220B
Laney HCM60R Amp
Digitech Black 13 Scott Ian Sig Pedal
Morley Classic Wah