#1
added another verse (the 3rd one), but the chorus is still weak I think
c4c

Untitled

I can’t remember the last day I didn’t think about you. I think it was four years ago, the day our eyes first met. But it might have been before that. You can never really know. Memories are oh so treacherous. My mind is always oh so treacherous.

We’ve got one more summer rendezvous before New York tears me away from you. I’ve got one more last impression; I better make it count. We’ve got one last night together. Please, don’t let me down. Oh baby please, don’t let me down.

Give me one for the road
The journey’s long and the winters are so cold
C’mon, one last time
Let our bodies melt and our souls synchronize

There was an old and worthy soul behind the beauty of your eyes. It drew me in and made me want to be a better man. But a better man would let you go and it's tearing me apart. You're tearing me apart

You meant so much more to me than I meant to you. You were jaded by that first bitter taste of love. He broke your heart and I’m sorry, but don’t put that on me. I always wished inside that I was your first love. Your heart would be intact if I was your first love.

So give me one for the road
The journey’s long and the winter’s are so cold
C’mon, one last time
Let our bodies melt and our souls synchronize
I want Super Saiyan abilities
Last edited by rebelmidget at Aug 4, 2009,
#2
I think you should write another verse to end the song. It seems kinda incomplete.
In the chorus, instead of saying "The journey's long and the winter’s are so cold" I think it might flow better like this "The journey's long and the winter's cold". Just my opinion.
I liked the second paragraph.

Overall good job. C4C-last link in my sig. please! Thanks
#5
I like this. I thought at first you were just talking about missing the person but then i understood by the second verse you wished you guys were 'first love' type / ordeal.

Title could be One for the Road, or First Love. I think One for the Road, because if you think about it, with that title your saying 'we cant go back in time, make eachother's first love... so heres one for the road' A good one to look back on...
#6
Pretty good. I like that it doesn't give itself away in the beginning of the song. All of the verses are strong. The chorus is good, but the flow could be improved. Overall a good job and enjoyable to read.