#1
C4C. Be honest with me, I'm just a novice so I need the critiques.

Mystic girl
Knowing things I never said
Spooky girl
hiding under my bed
Charming girl
possessing magic powers
What's your secret?

Winged girl
Flying like a bird
Singing girl
Often seen but seldum heard
Dark-eyed girl
Seeing things no one do
What's your secret

I don't believe in magic
you shattered my thoughts
I don't belive in ghost
but you've shattered them too
Danergous curls, Glistening pearls
Creepy girl

Goddess girl
soming with serenity
Masked girl
living for eternity
Mystic girl
What's your secret
What's your secret

I don't believe in magic
you shattered my thoughts
I don't belive in ghost
but you've shattered them too
Danergous curls, Glistening pearls
Creepy girl

I did my best
to keep myself
I ran for my life
but I ran in vain
She stole my heart
that creepy girl


I don't believe in magic
you shattered my thoughts
I don't belive in ghost
but you've shattered them too
Danergous curls, Glistening pearls
Creepy girl

I'm still not so sure if "Creepy Girl" is a good name so I'm open for other suggestions.


You can teach anyone to play fast, but you gotta have soul.
-Zakk Wylde


My set:
Gibson SG Faded Cherry
Peavy Rage 158
Boss DS-1 Distortion
#2
well i love the chorus part, it stands out.
but the word girl is used alot, try using another word.
im trying to help the best i can, im not a very good songwriter so i just what i think about it/

thanks for the crit ealier though
Quote by Lil Macker
Please tell me he's not from The Pit. That place changes people...

*shudders*