#1
I just joined a band a few weeks back with one of my best friends. He and I play bass, and guitar, respectively. We get along great with everybody else in the band and we all click well musically, but the drummer mentioned the other day that he wants to "hang out as a band" more, and that he hates it when his bands aren't best of friends.

Well, bass player and I hang out often but we just don't have much interest in hanging out with the rest of them unless it's after a practice/show. It's not that we NEVER do anything, it's just that we're not great friends. Part of it's because our drummer is way older than the rest of us and drinks like a camel while we're more laid back and prefer to spend most of our free time jamming or writing new stuff rather than hanging out with his weird-ass friends and getting wasted on a Tuesday night.

If he continues to complain about it I (we) are going to apologize, take our songs and start our own project. We're fine with how it is now, he is not. Who is in the wrong here?
#2
There is no wrong. Why does there have to be a "wrong"? It's a difference in opinion and ways. If it gets bad, explain it to him, or deal with it. If you're not comfortable in a band, get out. There's nothing more to it.
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#3
Quote by drewfromutah
I just joined a band a few weeks back with one of my best friends. He and I play bass, and guitar, respectively. We get along great with everybody else in the band and we all click well musically, but the drummer mentioned the other day that he wants to "hang out as a band" more, and that he hates it when his bands aren't best of friends.

Well, bass player and I hang out often but we just don't have much interest in hanging out with the rest of them unless it's after a practice/show. It's not that we NEVER do anything, it's just that we're not great friends. Part of it's because our drummer is way older than the rest of us and drinks like a camel while we're more laid back and prefer to spend most of our free time jamming or writing new stuff rather than hanging out with his weird-ass friends and getting wasted on a Tuesday night.

If he continues to complain about it I (we) are going to apologize, take our songs and start our own project. We're fine with how it is now, he is not. Who is in the wrong here?



he complains so you leave?
surely you can just say we'd hang out just as a band? thats the point of it right to connect as a band not just a huge gathering that happens to involve all the members
you also need a break from purely musical endeavours otherwise wheres your inspiration gunna come from

theres no right or wrong here he just wants to be friendlier which helps your writing together why not have a practice then go out afterwards?
in all honesty theres barely a problem here unless your drummer has really bad insecurity issues
and you've taken a huge reaction to it compromise people
#4
hmm... i don't know what to tell you... your drummer sounds like a loser, i'd lose him first thing.

other than that, just try to hang out more. i've never really had this issue because my band consists of my best friend since 3rd grade and 2 more best friends that i've known a couple years.

just try to build up your friendships better.
#5
Go mini-golfing. And make it a competition. That's when you find out whether your band will stay together when the heat is on. If you guys all hate each other at the end of it, it won't work out. If you are able to have fun despite the competition, you might just make it.
#6
Go out and party, your in a band it's totally fine to be drunk on a tuesday.
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#7
Quote by Sound_Garden_X
Go out and party, your in a band it's totally fine to be drunk on a tuesday.

Are you in a band? -or maybe I should say at least a somewhat successful band? Everyone pretty much has to be dedicated or it won't work.
#8
Quote by drewfromutah
I just joined a band a few weeks back with one of my best friends. He and I play bass, and guitar, respectively. We get along great with everybody else in the band and we all click well musically, but the drummer mentioned the other day that he wants to "hang out as a band" more, and that he hates it when his bands aren't best of friends.

Well, bass player and I hang out often but we just don't have much interest in hanging out with the rest of them unless it's after a practice/show. It's not that we NEVER do anything, it's just that we're not great friends. Part of it's because our drummer is way older than the rest of us and drinks like a camel while we're more laid back and prefer to spend most of our free time jamming or writing new stuff rather than hanging out with his weird-ass friends and getting wasted on a Tuesday night.

If he continues to complain about it I (we) are going to apologize, take our songs and start our own project. We're fine with how it is now, he is not. Who is in the wrong here?



NOTE:the unofficial mascot of recovering alcoholics is a camel, since they don't need to drink... so I'm guessing you actually mean he drinks a lot...

And, I actually see no reason why you shouldn't try to do more stuff as a band. If anything, listening to your drummer wouldn't hurt the least. I've been in a similar situation, with a member mentioning we should all be best friends, and while we're far away from that, we still try to do stuff outside of the band. It also helps that we work at the same place, but being good friends, or attempting to outside of just band time or band related time really can't hurt.


Go to a show of a band you all like or might be interested in. Or go to one that none of you have heard of. Go to an amusement park. If your drummer really wants much more than hanging out a little bit more, maybe reconsider it. For now, I don't see why trying it would hurt at all...
#10
Quote by Souls United
Are you in a band? -or maybe I should say at least a somewhat successful band? Everyone pretty much has to be dedicated or it won't work.


Do you have a sense of humor?
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#11
I know that alot of people are going to hate me for bringing up this band, but supposedly everyone in Slipknot can't stand eachother. In an interview the singer said that if they see eachother in a public place they will actually try to avoid eachother. Haha, so maybe you don't have to be close to make music.
But in all seriousness, maybe you guys should just find things you like to do? You said you like to make new music when you hang out with your friend right...well, um, bands make music. So when you and your friend are writing just bring the drummer with you too(which is basically the same as band practice in a way). Or find something else that you like. It might not sound to manly, but like, if you all liked fishing, then go fishing together. Just because he likes drinking doesn't mean you have to. Just find another thing that he likes that you guys can do to.
Last edited by ArcadianWarrior at Jul 3, 2009,
#12
Why not hang out with him and not drink, I do that with my friends quite alot
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#13
The slipknot example is a good reason not to not hang out... that band blows, do ou reaally want to go to "work" and hate you team?
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#14
I'm not very good friends with the rest of my band members, the drummer and I are ok, and the vocalist and I are pals, but that's it. You shouldn't get too close with people in the band because if something goes wrong, it can easily ruin the friendship too. Best to keep it professional.
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#15
I don't see a problem with hanging out as a band. Try some activities that have nothing to do with music, but help you all learn to communicate almost subconsciously. Halo 3 is an excellent bonding exercise, as my bandmates and I have learned. Or we'll pick a movie we've all seen and do an impromptu commentary track - discussing details, trivia, or why the movie rocks/sucks. And for those of us who do drink, the sober guys monitor our cutoff point. Everyone stays lucid, nobody gets hammered, and we have a good time together.

#16
If I were you I would boot him if this band is a long term thing.


Situation 1: You start touring North America and Europe. You will be seeing him almost everyday for about 9 months to a year or maybe more on a touring bus. Mind you that a touring bus isn't that big.
#17
maybe it really depends on who it is... certain "major" bands I know of are really great friends as well as band mates, and the only time that's changed is when something happened outside of the band that caused someone to kick them out (very subtle reference to a specific situation here, +1 internet points to whoever can figure out which band I'm talking about)

I still believe though that some sort of friendly atmosphere does nothing but help. Of course, you do have the issue if you want to quit or you kick someone out. It's a difficult line to tread... some bands can hold it all together and be great friends, some seem top just treat it like a job and nothing more.

I can see that in the long, long term it may not make for the best of situations, but all the bands that do have a good chemistry seem to be more "fun"


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#19
I don't agree with him being convicned you guys need to hang out outside of band stuff. It dosen't hurt at all if you guys get along really well, but honestly, let's pretend on average, there are 5 members in a band, the chances of having 5 dudes that would all love to hang out with each others are so slim. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it dosen't happen, and it sure is awesome when it does.
#20
Quote by JDizzle787
maybe it really depends on who it is... certain "major" bands I know of are really great friends as well as band mates, and the only time that's changed is when something happened outside of the band that caused someone to kick them out (very subtle reference to a specific situation here, +1 internet points to whoever can figure out which band I'm talking about)

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#21
Quote by Sound_Garden_X
Do you have a sense of humor?

eh, sorry didn't catch the humor lolz