#1
Any views/crit?


Take the time to realize what you just said
ive got no respect anymore
we cant go on living like this
Am walking out that door

att night i cry
and i dont know why
but i know its you that am missin

Your my star light
you shine so bright
will you shine in my life
will you be my starlight

my mind is ticking 24/7
i cant get any sleep at all
you said jump and you would too
its time for me to fall

coz at night i cry
and i dont know why
maybe its you that am missin


Your my star light
you shine so bright
will you shine in my life
will you be my starlight

Your my star light
you shine so bright
will you shine in my life
will you be my starlight
#4
There is no copyright law regarding titles...so really that doesn't matter, so long as his song isn't similar. And this song's meaning is significantly different than the Muse song, which is fantastic haha.
Doomsday Arsenal - alternative/progressive
Fender '08 Am Std Strat w/ CS69s > MXR Classic 108 Fuzz > JH-1B Wah > MXR Dyna Comp > EHX Big Muff Pi > Maxon OD9 > MXR Phase 90 > Ibanez CS9 > MXR Carbon Copy > Boss TU-2 > Fender Hot Rod Deluxe
#5
Quote by the envy
Any views/crit?


Take the time to realize what you just said
ive got no respect anymore
we cant go on living like this
Am walking out that door
Good opening, but I think the last line needs another syllable
att night i cry
and i dont know why
but i know its you that am missin
Am isn't the right word here, I think it was going to be I am or I'm
Your my star light
you shine so bright
will you shine in my life
will you be my starlight
Solid chorus, I really like the third line
my mind is ticking 24/7
i cant get any sleep at all
you said jump and you would too
its time for me to fall
This verse is my favourite, something about that third line is really good to me
coz at night i cry
and i dont know why
maybe its you that am missin


Your my star light
you shine so bright
will you shine in my life
will you be my starlight

Your my star light
you shine so bright
will you shine in my life
will you be my starlight

Overall I think this is pretty solid, what kinda music are you going to put it to?
c4c?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1163982
#6
Average, decent, solid... these are all words that pretty much sum this piece.

To make it better I would say that there needs to be a few things.

1) Imagery... never is there any solid piece of imagery through out the piece.

2) Simile.... something needs to be compared so that the reader can dig into the piece and understand exactly what is going on.

3) Probably a better/ less cliched chorus would help out the general feeling of the song.

Overall, I would say that this piece really does sit on the fence of being average. Nothing really strikes me as amazing, but nothing here is poor either.

I have two pieces avaliable "Together Through Life" and "The Rough, The" please crit. if you would like.
#7
thanks a lot for the crits. i have a few more if you could crit them? thanks
btw its going with indie/rock music
thanks
#8
Like it has been said, it's solid.
This would make for a great power metal song... Star, light, bright it's all there.

Your my star light
-
-
will you be my starlight

This bit clicked on me, you're saying she is your starlight, then 2 lines later you're asking if they will be. I'd say replace the last line to keep it consistent on how she means everything to you without her permission.
If you know what I'm saying.
Quote by AlanHB
Yeah well in special UG land chords = noob, scales = intermediate and modes = advanced. Most users are trying to finish the game on hard because then you get the trophies for noob and intermediate difficulties upon completion anyway.