#1
alright guys i know its a sloppy in someparts its just a rought draft i just want to see whats going on with this song and get some critique. Its been a while since ive wrote a song and first real life song about this girl ive been talking to. So please critique me!

The Giirl I Once Knew

Let me tell you a story about this girl
she was everything in my world
i saw her in the hallway
she was looking oh so beautiful today

we never talked quite yet
until i went to my first class
thats when we first met
i tried not to move to fast

we talked and talked and talked
when we walked and walked and walked
it was was wonderful until
she met him and her heart was filled

two weeks went bye, thinking about her
thats the only times i wanted to cry
she is the girl i once knew
everytime we talked my love grew
she was the girl i once knew but i still love her

i knew her for two years
she knew him for two weeks
i loved her and she loved him
there is no way my heart will win

i still love her even though
she put me in the best friend zone
when i look at you, and stare into your big blue eyes
what do you see, for me one less than three
me and you it equals, it must be destiny.

what has happened to us
we talked for endless hours
now it has stopped
within minutes, you have to go

i sit with you and you talk about him
you might as well push me down to the ground
and just kick my heart around
make me look like the class clown

she is the girl i once knew
everytime we talked my love grew
she is the girl i once knew
but i still love her
#3
guyss, i need critique if you stop by just say something, liked it, hated it, whatever. 91 views and not 1 post thats pitiful
#4
Maybe it's because you keep bumping it. You bumped it less than an hour after you posted it. If you really want critiques, drop links after you give advice to other people.

And for the love of God, read the rules.

*reported*
#5
i apologize, i honestly can say i didnt realize that there was no bumping. I am used to another forums rules and thought they would be the same. Well anyway thanks for the advice.