#1
The Laughter

Verse*
It’s 11 o’ clock on a Saturday night
Hate streams across the atmosphere
Just blows up right in front of me
I just sit there and ask the moon why?
Why do I always have to screw it up?
Just ruin everyone’s chances
It’s a battle that aint worth the dispatch
And I made the mistake of sending my men in

Chorus*
The beaches, my knowledge
Getting flooded with disaster
One thing leads to the next
Not worth it to go after
A village, my body
Getting raided soon after
The bad men, in my mind
Are taking away my laughter

Verse*
What’s a train without a conductor?
A daycare center without the helpers?
A crime scene without the evidence
Is just as bad as an accident
But when, they take
What means the most in my life
A boy without a family
Not even a place to call home

Chorus*
The beaches, my knowledge
Getting flooded with disaster
One thing leads to the next
Not worth it to go after
A village, my body
Getting raided soon after
The bad men, in my mind
Are taking away my laughter
Rigz.
SX Furrian
Eastwood Mandocaster
Bugera v55
DigiTech DL8
Boss BD-2
Dean Markley Tuner
Ebow

Gear Hitlist:
2x12 Cab
Last edited by zeminion at Jun 29, 2009,
#2
please don't say "C4C" in your title, as it puts your thread higher on the minds of everyone. just delete it and repost it, mate. it's no biggy. if you haven't done so already, just read the rules as well.

thanks
#3
Quote by zeminion
The Laughter

Verse*
It’s 11 o’ clock on a Saturday night
Hate streams across the atmosphere (I'd say hate streams through)
Just blows up right in front of me detonates? sounds more dramatic to me
I just sit there and ask the moon why?
I'd set a pause here
Why do I always have to screw it up?
Just ruin everyone’s chances
and here for a dramatic effect
It’s a battle that aint worth the dispatch
And I made the mistake of sending my men (in) my troops?

Chorus*
The beaches, my knowledge the beaches of my knowlage?
Getting flooded with disaster I'd say by disaster
One thing leads to the next
Not worth it to go after don't really get it
A village, my body
Getting raided soon after
The bad men, in my mind
Are taking away my laughter

Verse*
What’s a train without a conductor?
A daycare center without (the) helpers?
A crime scene without the evidence
Is just as bad as an accident
But when, they take
What means the most in my life
A boy without a family
Not even a place to call home

Chorus*
The beaches, my knowledge
Getting flooded with disaster
One thing leads to the next
Not worth it to go after
A village, my body
Getting raided soon after
The bad men, in my mind
Are taking away my laughter


Critique:
I think it's great! You've got some potential man. You've got some great lines in there.

P.S.: Why 11 o'clock? (I personally wouldn't have chosen 11 o'clock)
Quote by allislost
then i take back what i said and i award you with 10 points! use them wisely...


Enchance your Soling

Quote by funkyducky

desadaphas get's a nod from me
for he knows that tea pwns coffee


My first lyric in Englich
#4
fix'd the title
Rigz.
SX Furrian
Eastwood Mandocaster
Bugera v55
DigiTech DL8
Boss BD-2
Dean Markley Tuner
Ebow

Gear Hitlist:
2x12 Cab
#5
Quote by desadaphas
Critique:
I think it's great! You've got some potential man. You've got some great lines in there.

P.S.: Why 11 o'clock? (I personally wouldn't have chosen 11 o'clock)


i really have no idea. it rolls off of the tongue like butta
Rigz.
SX Furrian
Eastwood Mandocaster
Bugera v55
DigiTech DL8
Boss BD-2
Dean Markley Tuner
Ebow

Gear Hitlist:
2x12 Cab
#6
Quote by AngryGoldfish
please don't say "C4C" in your title, as it puts your thread higher on the minds of everyone. just delete it and repost it, mate. it's no biggy. if you haven't done so already, just read the rules as well.

thanks


dont know how.... explain?

and p.s.

no crit?!?!
Rigz.
SX Furrian
Eastwood Mandocaster
Bugera v55
DigiTech DL8
Boss BD-2
Dean Markley Tuner
Ebow

Gear Hitlist:
2x12 Cab