#1
hi guys, i think i have a drummer who is trying to avoid my band. anyways, i need your opinion on this.

First of all, we have jammed for about 3 years now. we took him into the band when he was really just starting out. he couldnt keep a simple beat from MCR at that time. but long story short, he improved over time.

now recently, i caught him posting an ad at our local website (soft.com.sg) saying he wanted to play for a hardcore band. he didnt even tell me or the band about it.

So, usually we perform on wednesday nights. then about 2 months ago he told the bassist that he's not coming on wednesday itself.

then last week, he told the band that he couldnt jam with us because he got grounded. and he wont be coming this wednesday because he was going to meet a lecturer. i dont know but i have a feeling that he is making all of this up.

so what do you think?
#2
Get the rest of your band to talk to him and find out whats going on, and if he keeps avoiding you or wont say anything, kick him out and find a new drummer.
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#4
Confront him about the other band, if he's not being honest then you need a new drummer.
#5
it's always the drummers that cause problem, Examples: Metallica...do I have to say more?
So that with good courage we say, “The Lord is my helper. I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

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#6
wow quick replies! thanks!

anyway, i have actually asked about him joining other bands.. and he did tell me he was jamming with some other friends..

and thats the thing! he doesnt even feel guilty about not telling me in the first place
#7
if the time occurs you find your self in two bands you must organize yourself well that u can evenly distribute yourself between the two schedules, if the two schedules conflict you must then quit one of the bands as you cannot find yourself full filling both bands

either that or you kick him out im afraid
#8
Go find a new drummer, and than kick him out. That way you can immediately start playing afterwards
#10
Seriously, is there any real reason to fire him yet? So far all that's happened is that you found out about him advertising himself for a hardcore band and that he couldn't make one rehearsal.
He may simply be looking for a side project, as many experienced musicians do because just playing one style with one group gets monotonous causing it to become jaded.

Have a quiet word with the guy, tell him of your suspicions and that whatever he wants to do, even if he wants to leave, it's OK by you and you will still remain one of his best mates.

Y'see, many people who are planning to leave a band would do so quietly and sneakily because they are nervous about what the reaction will be. So if you let him know that whatever he's planning, the reaction is not going to be a bad one, then he'll feel able to open up and actualy TELL you what's happening, which is what is important here.

If he's leaving, fine, arrange for a new drummer and also arrange a 'leaving gig' for your current drummer that you can run like a party and send out lots of invites, but at a regular venue, resulting in a full venue and lot's of lovely free publicity. (you can also get free newspaper advertising by telling a reporter about this because they'll see it as a story that can be turned into a small feature.)
This will make the split an amicable one resulting in you guys staying in contact and helping each other out occasionaly and possibly even getting back together again at some point in the future rather than going around saying nasty things about each other to all your friends, which helps no one.
Also, because it's a amicable split, it makes it all the more likely that he will agree to stay on until you have a new drummer ready, (who you can also intruduce at the leaving gig) and even help you out getting him up to speed, which all means you won't have to cancel any gigs.

If he's staying, fine, you've just gained a regular support band and added a bunch of extra contacts to your list and more importantly ensured that your drummer isn't getting bored with your band.
Last edited by SlackerBabbath at Jun 30, 2009,
#11
Quote by spug2guitarist
yeah i guess i have to kick him out.. but 3 years of jamming together man.. all wasted..


yeah well, not to be mean, you should be telling him this, and how **** of a friends he's being, instead of us. You've got your answer, go paint your target, then find another drummer.
#12
Quote by spug2guitarist
yeah i guess i have to kick him out.. but 3 years of jamming together man.. all wasted..


the same thing is probably gonna happen to me, with my lead guitar player D: it's not wasted though dude, i'm sure you've made progress with him you couldn't have made without him
good luck with this dude
#13
Is it just me, or did anyone else read the topic title and think "Yeah, no s#!$."
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#15
Lots of people play in multiple bands. In fact, MOST people I know around here play in multiple bands instead of just one. It doesn´t mean they´re doing it to avoid a certain group...

Check into it a bit more and see if he is doing it to avoid you, or simply wants to jam with a wider variety of people.

And also, if you need to split, do it the way Slacker explained. The music business is ALL about connections. You don´t want to burn ANY bridges.
#16
thank you very much, SlackerBabbath for the advice, it would really help me out.

yes, my drummer is one of my best mates, we used to go to gigs together. in fact, i still want him to be my friend. i think i'll try talking to him personally first because he kinda pissed off my vocalist too..

Quote by Kevy Absolution
Is it just me, or did anyone else read the topic title and think "Yeah, no s#!$."

hahahahaha!!!
#18
He's obviously cheating on you with another band (obvious, but thats the first thing that came to mind)
Its my belief that if you're in a band, you should be focusing on THAT ONE band, or else you'll probably get scattered around.
Make him decide which band he wants to play with.
#19
Quote by Kino Chan
He's obviously cheating on you with another band (obvious, but thats the first thing that came to mind)
Its my belief that if you're in a band, you should be focusing on THAT ONE band, or else you'll probably get scattered around.
Make him decide which band he wants to play with.


I disagree. I think you can be in as many bands as you want. So long as you communicate with everybody and are fair with the way you manage yourself. Obviously that get's hard to do the more you add, but I reckon (depending on other non-band commitments, work, school, family etc.) playing in two bands is quite doable.

Obviously, in this case, he is 'cheating'; but with proper communication from the outset this would have been avoided. I think people are just too scared to open a conversation about something that could cause bad blood. In the end though, it's the lack of communication that really leads to bad blood.
#20
Quote by Kino Chan
He's obviously cheating on you with another band (obvious, but thats the first thing that came to mind)
Its my belief that if you're in a band, you should be focusing on THAT ONE band, or else you'll probably get scattered around.
Make him decide which band he wants to play with.

I really don't understand this mentality.
'Cheating'? What is he, a gay lover? Are all the band in some sort of polygamous marriage or something?
He's a 'musician', and musicians become much better musicians by jamming with as many different musicians as they can. It widens their repertoire and adds more influence making their style more varied and less likely to get boring.
In short, it turns them into a better asset for the band.
Being a musician is one long learning process and playing with other musicians is part of that learning process.
Why would anyone have a problem with that?
Quote by Myshadow46_2
I disagree. I think you can be in as many bands as you want. So long as you communicate with everybody and are fair with the way you manage yourself. Obviously that get's hard to do the more you add, but I reckon (depending on other non-band commitments, work, school, family etc.) playing in two bands is quite do-able.


Theoreticaly, yeah, you can have side project after side project, but in reality anything above two bands starts to become more work that one person. can handle
Last edited by SlackerBabbath at Jul 1, 2009,
#21
Quote by SlackerBabbath
Theoreticaly, yeah, you can have side project after side project, but in reality anything above two bands starts to become more work that one person can handle


Scar Symmetry had to find two new vocalists because there multitalented singer currently works with 8 bands and therefor refused to tour.

As for your imit of two bands. I agree. I've had offers to join others but I already know timi is limited so I would never be 100% active.
#22
Quote by pandora_grunt
Scar Symmetry had to find two new vocalists because there multitalented singer currently works with 8 bands and therefor refused to tour.

As for your imit of two bands. I agree. I've had offers to join others but I already know timi is limited so I would never be 100% active.

Yeah, I'd say that three is the absolute limit logisticaly.
It's all to do with diaries really.
All musicians involved with bands should have a 'personal' diary and all bands should have a 'band' diary. As long as the musician keeps his diary up to date and constantly checks it against the band diary, double bookings shouldn't be a problem. It's simply a matter of being properly organised.