#1
So, this is a song that my friend Thomas and I wrote together for our band Laser Shark. We are a rock/rap band that takes influences from The Beatles, Flobots, RATM, and Muse. The song is tentativly called Strive, but if anyone has any other suggestions, feel free to tell us.
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[verse 1]
The Bass meets the drum an explosive force
knockin all those 747s of their course
as they travel through airwaves multiplyin
five sonic booms rise for every one thats dyin
The guitar cracks in with a battlecry from the vocals
shake and slide, drop and grind wake the locals
The wars been waged and we've already lost
tomahawk barrages planting spores for bloody moss
With these hands I'll pave the to new beginnings
but to get what I seek something must be ending

[chorus]
So I visualize
and try to strive
towards that distant golden sunrise
and sunset
I wage wars for what I want to get
and you aint seen nothin yet
nu uh
you aint seen nothing yet

[verse 2]
So flashback
blast from the past
towers rise from rubble and ash
Dirt erupts violently with emerald grass
and its all just a blur cause its moving too fast
Vines shoot up, strangling trees
cherry blossoms flow through a calming breeze
and as the world truly starts to breath
I wake with a shake
with my feet on the concrete

[chorus]
So I visualize
and try to strive
towards that distant golden sunrise
and sunset
I wage wars for what I want to get
and you aint seen nothin yet
nu uh
you aint seen nothing yet
I said you aint seen nothin!

[Uber Crazy Guitar Solo]

[outro]
From the silence of the heart to the scream of the soul
The worlds gotta wake up and lose control
stay true to yourself and to your heart stay true
words from a time that has long been through
[repeat a second time and lead into]
Now cut
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Any and all criticism is welcome and accepted.
"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you"
~Oscar Wilde
#4
Quote by metalhead805
this is actually pretty down. i would listen to this

Thank you, mate. Greatly appreciated.

Quote by BoxCarMothra
The only part I liked was the second verse, it was good. The rest wasn't so much.

What might we be able to do differently? We're rather new to writing lyrics.
"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you"
~Oscar Wilde
#5
It just seems a little too much like a hundred other songs. It's not that bad really, just doesn't sound very original.
#6
Quote by BoxCarMothra
It just seems a little too much like a hundred other songs. It's not that bad really, just doesn't sound very original.

I got you. Like I said, we're new at this, so yeah.
Thanks for the criticism, mate.
"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you"
~Oscar Wilde
#7
Quote by Kris Nott
I got you. Like I said, we're new at this, so yeah.
Thanks for the criticism, mate.


No problem. If you get any recordings I'd like to hear how you mix those influences.
#8
Quote by BoxCarMothra
No problem. If you get any recordings I'd like to hear how you mix those influences.

Can do, mate.
"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you"
~Oscar Wilde
#9
I like it, I would listen to it, its pretty well structured and just cause its been done before doesn't mean you cant do it better!! its really good mate, keep at this writing and eventually something thats never been done before will pop out ha ha.

If you could maybe check out the second song in my sig, and give me some idea of what you think of that?
Cheers!