Hey everyone, start working on this off and on a while back. I'm not the strongest song writer, as I consistently try, but never finish anything. I also suck at solos, both technically and from a writing standpoint.

Anyway, I just felt like putting this out there and seeing if was good or not in the eyes of the UG community.

Also, I haven't done drums for my Verse because I suck at drums and couldn't think of anything else to put there.
Needs a lot of work.

Alot of it sounds off. You need to put more into the piece. Some parts show promise but overall it's a bad piece.

You need practice. That's how you become a good songwriter.
some parts are good.
you'll improve songwriting by doing what you are; just keep writing stuff down : )
to tab drums,
1 find out about how drum kits work (if you dont already know)
2 look at GP files of bands you like, and just copy drum beats from those and use them on riffs and stuff you've written, just to learn about what drum patterns sound good in different situations.

ive edited in an alternative drum tab for the first bit of your song if you want to have a look
'If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music.' Albert Einstein
Wow, thats multitudes better... Thanks, I'll try and take some pointers.

Also, the guitar doesn't sound too generic, does it? I'm trying to stay away from generic as much as I can, but I dunno if I've succeeded thus far or not.
no, not toooo generic (yn)
a good way to understand how to stay away from 'generic' would be to understand how to be 'generic'.
try writing a song that is the blandest, most boring and predictable piece of crap you could possibly percieve.
then, when writing seriously, think back to the notes, chord progressions, etc., that you used, and try to stay away from them.
hope i've helped : )
'If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music.' Albert Einstein
Ok, first off, not a bad attempt. I know where you're coming from b/c I used to suck, my earlier attempts at writing songs were much worse

I took Jake the Peg's version of your song and touched it up a bit, made it more metal as your thread says =D, I wasn't sure what genre this was but it sounded a lot like metalcore so that's the style I used throughout the song (you can keep anything I add too it, just helping you out..that and I love guitar pro-ing when drunk)

crit one of mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1154297

Keep up the good work and you'll get there one day, don't worry about solos, not all songs have to have them.
"Our revenge so everlasting sweet,
Enslave your Children, Behead the weak,
Kill every last Man, Woman and Machine
The cleansing has begun.
Your meek defense is foolish,
we come from the stars a trillion strong."
Last edited by cptazad at Jul 2, 2009,
Your version was good, cptazad, but I didn't like it. It strayed away too much from what I originally wrote, and the general direction I was taking. But... I will definitely take some pointers from that.

Crits going out to those who requested them.