#1
Here we go. I just watched a 10-part documentary on called America's Serial Killers. In the last episode, they discussed Jeffery Dahmer. For those of you who were like me and didn't know much about what he did besides kill a slew of people, what he would do is take men to his apartment, torture them, mutilate them, most of the time skin them, dismember them, sometimes cook and eat them, and usually keep some of the remains as souvenirs. Now, me being a metal head, I thought this would be the perfect topic for a song. Everything aside from the second verse and first half of the bridge section is from the point of view of Dahmer. The exceptions are from the point of view of the victim. For those of you that may find this thought repulsive, do me a favor and critique it on its potential instead of the motivation and content. However, all comments will be welcomed. I give you "The Hell That Succeeds Hope"!

Bow down and watch this
Destroy you.
Pride is something earned by
The cold few.
Dismember the thought that
You will escape.
All that you hope for will
Dissipate.

Pre-Chorus:
This is my world
Made into your Hell.
With all doors locked,
No light will dwell.

Chorus:
Creep by, see
My face glow.
Tools in hand,
There’s nowhere to go.
Tugging on
Your sanity,
It fades away
To calamity.

Taken from the street to
Ignore pain,
Walking up the stairs I see
Nothing’s the same.
Surrounded by the relics
Of lives past,
The end that I have feared
Finds me at last.

Pre-Chorus

Chorus

Bridge:
The first cut stings,
No blood is lost.
The second cut bleeds
A much larger cost.
Two hours later,
My legs are numb.
The end of the night,
I’m forced to succumb.

Pre-Chorus

Chorus

A pinch of salt,
A pound of meat,
Take it down at
The devil’s seat.
A glass of wine,
Who’s for dessert?
The poor less dead
Get what they deserve.


EDIT: I had to change up the chorus a little bit to make it fit the music better, but not enough to make it say something different.
Some people just wanna watch the world burn. Wanna join me when I take my turn to pour the gas, light the match, see your world flip upside down and drop until it's inside out?
Last edited by Sewn Up at Jul 17, 2009,
#2
Slayer made a song called peice by peice look it up. it sounds like slayer material. i can imagin Tom screaming this
#3
I'll read through it better later but i too for some strange reason am inspired by stuff like this. Look at my song "Cerial" in my sig. It's about Albert Fish, another serial killer.
#4
muel333, I'm familiar with Albert Fish, aka "The Vampire Of Brooklyn". He was also featured in the documentary I watched. Roaming the streets of Brooklyn during the 1920s abducting and eating little children.......sick man but makes for damn good music! lol Oh yeah, I'll check it out the song.
Some people just wanna watch the world burn. Wanna join me when I take my turn to pour the gas, light the match, see your world flip upside down and drop until it's inside out?
#5
Ok, first off I think this song is very polished and in my opinion- there is really nothing major to change. The chorus was strong and well written as well as the pre-chorus. I think it might be better to add the prechorus as a verse and expand on it a bit more. It's an important part of the song, and it might be good to elaborate. That's the part where the victim is captured, locked up etc. That's just my thought though so do what you want. I liked this song, mostly because I have an odd fascination serial killers and with how the human thought process works. Serial killers are the perfect examples of an incredibly messed people. Also, it was well written. My favorite part was the last verse, it basically summed up what the song was about in a nice way. Good work

Sorry, I don't think the link to my song "Cerial" is working so just type it into the searchbar and it'll come up.
Last edited by muel333 at Jul 1, 2009,
#6
Thanks for the kind words muel333. I really appreciate it.
Some people just wanna watch the world burn. Wanna join me when I take my turn to pour the gas, light the match, see your world flip upside down and drop until it's inside out?