I hadn't composed in a while and it really worked, I created something more mature and beautiful than I ever came up with, well before I almost always made fast/heavy stuff but this is something different and special. There is some serious composing in here

Honest opinions please.

Last edited by Saf1 at Jul 3, 2009,
its good, but i'd remove the bass chords. They add a darker character that, from the looks of it, something you're not after.

and the short lead passage the guitar plays, you should change it to something that fits better and is closer to the key of the song

heres one of my songs
Last edited by tukk04 at Jul 2, 2009,
its good, but i'd remove the bass chords. They add a darker character that, from the looks of it, something you're not after.
Oh, it is what I'm after. "I Love You Too" doesn't mean in a sweet way, it's more like a wishful/obsessive feeling. Also without them it sounds thing and dull.

And yeah that one bar is a bit difficult to figure out, it matches with the first half of the song but not the second.
I loved it. Especially the way it kind of alternated between dreamy and whimsical, and dark, without having any sudden or even particularly noticeable changes. Although I have to say I was dissapointed when it just faded out when I was really starting to love it, you probably weren't aiming for a full-length piece of music, but it has the potential to be one, and an awesome one at that.
Last edited by whalepudding at Jul 3, 2009,
Well, the bass intro is basically sex, especially the first 8 bars or so. I like the little guitar thing, and when the guitar just comes right in full-time.

When the drums come in, I like that part, but it sounds very weird. A couple notes on the guitar sound off. I think it's the C# note on the B string in the chords.

Anyway, I also like how relaxing the drums are, even though they're going all double-time on the hi-hat (Foo Fighters - "Everlong" has the same effect. It sounds fast, but it's relaxing). The bass is easily the focus and best part.

And personally, I'm glad you did something other than "fast/heavy stuff." This board is sorta... infested with it. It's getting very old. Good for you.

Crit mine? Any in the sig will do, but no one's posted in "Tired of You" yet, so that's preferred.
Thanks for the crit guys (btw - C4C is Care For Comment right?), gave you crit in return. I updated my tab with your suggestions and remixed it so it sounds its best in each format. I also fixed that chord, it was meant to be F minor but I don't have a guitar so I make mistakes sometimes.

I hear what you guys are saying about it being too short but this piece is currently my baby and it works really delicately if you get me...what I'm saying is it's hard to stretch a song, even with a fresh section, without it sounding forced. Right now it's like a real introspective interlude in an album, and I want it to stick in peeps' heads when they hear it, that bassline haunting them as they sleep.
Last edited by Saf1 at Jul 3, 2009,
As I listen:

As a fellow bassist, I commend you for the best bass intro I have ever heard on this forum. Are you a fan of Jaco Pastorius by any chance? I can definitely hear his work a little bit in what you had in the beginning.

My only gripe is that you stay in key too much. I know that's nitpicking but play with some tritones and chromatics in the bass part to add just the right amount of dissonance in the song. I put in a few small additions to the piece as examples of what you can do. Compare them with the original to see what I did and try using that to help you.

Other than that, the interlude serves its purpose. It was really memorable and the guitar parts helped that out a lot. Good Job.
Hope I could help.
C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1155297
Chromatics Examples Try to Spot Them.gp5
Last edited by Progbass92 at Jul 3, 2009,
Hey thanks for the glowing review. I crit'd your song, and had a look at your chromatic take of my piece. As I mentioned in your thread you are good at pulling off dissonance effectively, but like I was saying earlier I write music with a passion and it has to flow, by that I mean literally writing stuff as it comes to my head, nothing else. I spent two hours writing my song, and as it is with me I won't compose again for months. Basically, the dissonance worked in some places but felt forced in others, a novel idea no doubt but again my pieces are all about flow, so I used some of your dissonance and saved it into mine

As for your comment about key: I know (relatively) little about keys, chords and scales, because I started off with bass and never played anything else seriously. Not a real excuse I know but for chords in particular it can be tricky composing. Like I wrote a LOT of prog rock until about a year ago when I got into the stoner/desert scene, but even then none of my pieces flowed as well as they should've. I have no idea what key my song is in, it was just messing about on my girl until I found the patterns and riffs that worked.
Wow... I just went back and analyzed your piece and if you never told me you had little theory experience, I would have never known. Seriously, knowing what you did just made this so much better...even if it was on accident.

Theory Crit yay! :

You said you didn't know what key the piece is in. Look at your starting note. You started on the tonic, which was a D, so the first part of your song is in Dmajor. Your starting progression is a I-V inversion-iv-IV. Then the second time around you throw in a tritone substitution to act in place of your last chord of your progression. It should be a I-V-iv-V progression but instead you put in a viidim chord. It's probably more advanced of a progression than 90 percent of the ones found on this forum. Great job.

Around measure 12, you modulate to the key of Fmajor for four measures. On the guitar part, you made use of the aforementioned tritone substitution to create a chromatic voicing effect in the guitar chords on a few occaisions in that part. Somehow, you got back into Dmajor in mesures 16 and 17, but then you managed to bring it back to Fmajor and repeated the melody from before.

It's great that you did this all on your own without the theory knowledge, but learning about it will help you achieve the exact sound you want to have, and eventually it won't sound forced. It comes naturally as it does now.

As for the dissonance, it's your song, not mine. I just showed you some possible options on how to create embellishments in your songs and spice things up a little. I know exactly how you feel about writing based on flow, so you can keep what you feel fits the best.
Keep it up. Your work is great.
Ah, to clarify I am very musical, since birth, and I know my music well. Just not that well. Like I tab songs with ease, but that brings me to my point - I work well by ear, but I never wrote a riff by thinking "hmm, lemme see if I can give it some tension by adding a 6th to the chord" etc. You obviously can because you've manipulated everything I ever learnt about music in some very clever ways, but I work very differently I guess.

That "viidim chord" was just my effort to make the phrase sound less cliched - infact most of the bits that stand out simply came about by being unsatisfied with the basic song structure and looking to make it more unique and varied. I'm really glad you detailed my song like that, sick!