Good start. You need to make it feel smooth though all the bass notes really stick out where as in the actual tune its a very smooth intro
"Through every dark night there is a bright day after that so no matter how hard it gets, stick your chest out, keep your head up, and handle it."
Are you recording this with a built-in computer mic, perhaps? When doing that sort of thing it's probably best to go acoustic and not electric. Or are you sticking a line-in through an adaptor? If the second, you should be able to get a much better clean tone than this. It's mostly distortion and chord work that mess up the line in trick. Try using the recording program Audacity and setting the input level to 0.9.