#1
Not finished yet, just wanted opinions on it. i'll post up the final when im done


Jokebook

Verse 1*
Can you feel me breathing?
Can you take my pulse?
Can you tell me that it’s ok
Sit awhile and converse
What is it like outside?
Is it sunny or is there rain?
Just tell me how it is
May to ease up this pain
I’ve been blind for so long
I have no idea what’s going on
Are my best friends still alive?
Have they shapen up to men?
There’s so much for you to tell me
I can’t wait to hear it all
You’re moving in a few days?
What did I do to deserve this luck?

Chorus*
It’s not fair, it’s not right
Stop playing these ****ing games with my head
Now I see, it was all a joke
Well this bastard aint laughing any more
Rigz.
SX Furrian
Eastwood Mandocaster
Bugera v55
DigiTech DL8
Boss BD-2
Dean Markley Tuner
Ebow

Gear Hitlist:
2x12 Cab
#2
It seems in the first verse, you've gone from "I can't wait to hear it all" straight to anger.

Maybe just a little out of place. Sort of seems to change subject to quickly. But then don't trust me on that, because I don't really know how you could change it.

I do like the lines "What is it like outside?"

and "Are my best friends still alive?"


Quote by Våd Hamster
Find a dice and assign a number to each girl. Throw the dice.


The number you hope for at the moment you throw the dice, is the one you'll want to keep.
#3
Quote by thanksgiving
It seems in the first verse, you've gone from "I can't wait to hear it all" straight to anger.

Maybe just a little out of place. Sort of seems to change subject to quickly. But then don't trust me on that, because I don't really know how you could change it.

I do like the lines "What is it like outside?"

and "Are my best friends still alive?"


danke. and i understand that transition. i cant figure it out either
Rigz.
SX Furrian
Eastwood Mandocaster
Bugera v55
DigiTech DL8
Boss BD-2
Dean Markley Tuner
Ebow

Gear Hitlist:
2x12 Cab