BotC
UG's Token Black Guy
Join date: Nov 2008
305 IQ
#1
I decided to revisit one of my few compositions. I would've made the solo Pure Shred / moar sexy. But, right now this is one of the songs my band plans to play Live at a future show I'm writing only what I know what each member could play.

And for a limited time only, it comes with 10% more drum fill! Listen now!


Your deeply appreciated comments will be deeply appreciated.
Attachments:
Just Another Victim - Blood of the Cosmos.zip
Progbass92
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2008
1,295 IQ
#4
Thanks for the crit.

I won't go totally into detail, but I will tell you that your main problem is that you don't have enough variation in your riffs. The verse riff was overused and even though at times, the drums saved those parts, it got stale fast. Try playing with different rhythms to make the song more interesting because most of it is straight 16ths over and over again.

Also, at the parts like measure 34, the octaves make the part sound really empty. Add some more notes to your chords to fill things out better. Play with some triads or 7 chords to make it better.

The bass also needs a lot of work. The entire track is only on two strings. Try some things like doubling or harmonizing the guitar parts with the bass or put some little fills in there to spice it up.

Sorry if I was harsh.
anacrucix
matt sunrise
Join date: May 2009
236 IQ
#5
for me- as a sort of generic metalcore song this works fairly well, my main criticisms here would be that there appears to be nothing that really makes this track stick out for me- the main riff is very typical, almost like I've heard it before- i think the chorus sounds a little bit empty because one of the guitars is doing widdly stuff while the other is doing the sort of octave chords over the top- maybe consider dropping the guitar doing the octave stuff to play powerchords along with the bass? that might make the chorus feel a bit bigger and give more space for vocals?

sounds good though man :-) let me know if you record it or anything- would be interesting to hear with vocals

crit please!
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cptazad
Jeff Loomis is God
Join date: Jan 2006
1,704 IQ
#6
Thanks for the crit (dying sun)!

Ok, first off, that opening riff (8th fret thing), wow, talk about deja vu, i had a song that was exactly like that, same tempo same chord progression (it went 8 then 7 the 5 4 5 4 5 4 then back to 8 then repeat).

Anyways, bar 12 is where it gets interesting, I quite enjoyed that part, rhyhm guitar fit like a glove.

Chorus was cool, but kind of cliched, not sure how else to explain it. The octaves were a nice touch though, reminds me of old trivium for some reason.

2nd solo was badass, liked it! First one was ok, kind of unnecessary if you ask me.

Bar 81 was a nice alternative to the main riff.

Overall this is a solid song, 7.5/10.
"Our revenge so everlasting sweet,
Enslave your Children, Behead the weak,
Kill every last Man, Woman and Machine
The cleansing has begun.
Your meek defense is foolish,
we come from the stars a trillion strong."
BotC
UG's Token Black Guy
Join date: Nov 2008
305 IQ
#7
Quote by cptazad
Thanks for the crit (dying sun)!

Ok, first off, that opening riff (8th fret thing), wow, talk about deja vu, i had a song that was exactly like that, same tempo same chord progression (it went 8 then 7 the 5 4 5 4 5 4 then back to 8 then repeat).

Anyways, bar 12 is where it gets interesting, I quite enjoyed that part, rhyhm guitar fit like a glove.

Chorus was cool, but kind of cliched, not sure how else to explain it. The octaves were a nice touch though, reminds me of old trivium for some reason.

2nd solo was badass, liked it! First one was ok, kind of unnecessary if you ask me.

Bar 81 was a nice alternative to the main riff.

Overall this is a solid song, 7.5/10.


Thanks. It may seem slightly repetitive but that's purely because there's supposed to be vocals over it and seeing it's almost impossible / pointless to tab out screaming in Guitar Pro, I decided not to. This was more of a song for me to test out how well I could write drum pieces over a pretty brutal guitar riff. In regards to the chorus, I think I might change that best it was inspired by Walking the Demon's (Bullet For Valentine) chorus. I'd be listening to way too much BFMV and you know how it is when you listen to one genre for too long, You start to write like they do. In regards to the solo's the 1st one is in there so that our other guitarist had a fun little solo to play, so, I didn't really pay much attention to it. I might go back and fix it up more. The second solo is mine, so, I'm not going to lie, I did spend just a little bit more time on it.