#1
I've decided to put some of my lyrics up. I've got chords for all of them. Send me an message if you want to play it.

My Twilight

While the summer sets
You bury me in darkness
And the single laugh that echoed will pass by
Before the set of morning glory I’ll be there
Nothing changes me tonight

Please tell me
Why did you blow up my heart
Why did you blow me apart
Please tell me why

Dripping blood from eyes of surface
Closing up your fear
Everything will sound so stupid
Just because you got all those scars

Why did you blow up my heart
Why did you blow me apart
Why, Why, Why

Twinkling stars at sky’s bottom
The sun will hide below the sea
So when nothing else remains but darkness
We will know we just live


Please check out my other songs that I've uploaded, Cold Dark World and Spread Your Wings To Fly .
Last edited by mangoinmydreams at Jul 5, 2009,
#2
Quote by mangoinmydreams
I've decided to put some of my lyrics up. I've got chords for all of them. Send me an message if you want to play it.

My Twilight

While the summer sets
You bury me in darkness
And the single laugh that echoed will pass by
Before the set of morning glory I’ll be there
Nothing changes me tonight
I really like the first and the last line, the second line.. it works, but doesn't really resonate with me.. I dunno, ha ha, the third like seems awkwardly structured, maybe work on that? and the fourth line, I actually quite like it, but get rid of that "set" maybe "rise" would work better, the opposite of sets in the first line

Please tell me
Why did you blow up my heart
Why did you blow me apart
Please tell me why

The second line sounds awkward, maybe something to do with fire, works with the blowing up bit ha ha (dont forget question marks!!)

Dripping blood from eyes of surface
Closing up your fear
Everything will sound so stupid
Just because you got all those scars

The first and last line here seem really harsh for the piece, maybe try and un-evil them? and maybe replace "so stupid" with "pointless".. might make this stanza flow better? and with the last line maybe "you've got" and get rid of the "all", might also help.

Why did you blow up my heart
Why did you blow me apart
Why, Why, Why

Twinkling stars at sky’s bottom
The sun will hide below the sea
So when nothing else remains but darkness
We will know we just live
I like this a lot, solid way to end it, well done


Overall, this is a solid piece, with a little bit of work, it could end up being really fantastic, so keep at, you've got good ideas, with a little cleaner execution, it'd be awesome, nice work mate.

If you could, check out the second piece in my sig, I'd really appreciate it!
cheers!