#1
Mottled wood, causasion women handling
birch carcuss, fingers left on some
soft dirt, printed geriatic on ground while
faucet feeted children climb rocks, mossed
in polyester. Writ on leathered pages, soaked
in sorry water from dripping hind legs, collecting
samples of insecurity for future references. We;
the passive aggressive near the highest mouth
of quivering banks, I've driven and cottled
our hands, wet with prescriptions of the city.
Neopolitan metro parks, knocked fungi from base
of Sycamore, lowly beasts laugh and mime.
Girl shot in face by Taco Bell.
Man stabbed self in middle of Festival.
Rain pours, nature grows.
Rabbits fuck and I,
I sleep and stumble through the forest,
not in my dreams, but in real life.
Trying.
to.
escape.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
Last edited by Something_Vague at Jul 5, 2009,
#2
i really like this. i'm not sure about the punctuation, such as the seventh line, it seems awkward, but i'm assuming you wanted it that way and probably had a purpose for using it like that?
overall i think it's really interesting.
#3
what a beautiful mess

Mottled wood, causasion women handling
birch carcuss, fingers left on some
soft dirt, printed geriatic on ground while
faucet feeted children climb rocks, mossedmm mossed in poleyster seems funny. shouldnt it be mossed by polyester?
in polyester. Writ on leathered pages, soaked
in sorry water from dripping hind legs, collecting
samples of insecurity for future references. We;
the passive aggressive near the highest mouth
of quivering banks, I've driven and cottled
our hands, wet with prescriptions of the city.
Neopolitan metro parks, knocked fungi from base
of Sycamore, lowly beasts laugh and mime.
Girl shot in face by Taco Bell.girl shot in face by the taco bell. imo
Man stabbed self in middle of Festival.
Rain pours, nature grows.
Computer circuits out and I,fail to see the significance of computer circuits
I sleep and stumble through the forest,
not in my dreams, but in real life.mm i feel like u coudl leave out but in real life
Trying.
to.
escape.intresting ending

overall interesting. crazy. hectic but interesting.
It's not stalking to watch her sleep if she fell asleep watching a movie.
a silly wind
(\__/)
(='.'=) LoNg LivE tHe BunNy!
(")_(")
#5
Thanks for supplying my fix, good sir. This was a twisted read as always.

I'm still waiting for your book for that express purpose. So either get that done or keep posting here. Or both, actually.
#6
I really liked this. no real errors or anything i can pull out.
I thought it was an interesting read.
If I don't meet you no more in this world, I'll meet you in the next one and dont be late.

JWU Baking and Pastry '13