#1
Long time since I posted anything here
I had a very drunken 3 mile walk home from my Girlfriend's house tonight and this song came to me. This is a first draft, do your worst


(Verse)
He who is without sin
Casts his stones like dice,
He will breathe life into you
Then leave you to your own device.

Life and love are gifts it’s true,
With the condition that they can be taken away from you
Without notice or decree,

So turn your cheek to me
Ya turn your cheek to me.

(Chorus)
Well I don’t want to leave this world alone,
And you don’t want to walk into the unknown.
Into the darkness that we lived in
Before you or me were born

(Verse)
And there’s a girl
With her curls gone,
Who lies alone in a bed she’s known for
So long

As she prays to wake up and find
A boy who wants to kiss her,
And a man who’s not her doctor
Who wants to touch her
And make her feel alive for the first time.

But she just turns her cheek to me
This is free will as you believe.

(Chorus)



(Bridge)

So tell me if there’s someone up there who designed me
Then why does my body break so damn easily.
And tell me if someone up there’s watching over me
Then why does my heart come apart so quickly.


(Chorus twice, with bridge upon the repeat)


Thanks for reading.
"Why should we subsidise intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan

"Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."
-George Washington
#2
you have music for it? it's fun lyrics though...
Quote by dayzofdesire

Broken nose at a Skindred show and a chipped tooth at As I Lay Dying...



Quote by Capitalistklok

nice. and brutal.
#3
Quote by dayzofdesire
you have music for it? it's fun lyrics though...

I have a (fairly good I reckon) melody aright. I'll put guitar to it tomorrow when I'm sober enough to play
"Why should we subsidise intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan

"Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."
-George Washington
#4
I thought there was some decent content underneath this. Some decent ideas that could be turned into something worth reading. However, as words on a page, this was bland. I'm sure it will work as a song... but there is nothing here for me as a "reader." The rhymes are expected and save; there are next to no images or "tricksy" ideas. You just sort of state everything matter of fact. You don't develop a narrator; you don't provide a story; you don't really give me much to roll with or attach to. The words are fairly lifeless.

You're intelligent; I've read some of your other posts... you can read a poem that's heartfelt and know it. This just didn't come across that way. It came across as lifeless and underdeveloped. Like you were creating the story instead living it. And beyond that, the way you presented it made me as a reader feel like I was on the outside looking in; instead of living the world you are painting. If you can't bring me into your world that you are creating; I'll always feel unattached from what you are saying.

I hope that makes sense. Thanks.