#1
blah blah blah, wah wah wah, etc. c4c. ots.

alectrona's rainbow
a blizzard in my teeth, sharp and cold and sinking,
and sinking, and melting, and bleeding.
dead quiet sets the air heavy with the resonance
of my next step in the early morning,
i pull a cigarette from my coat pocket and place it in my mouth,
my red hands block the orange flame from the yellow breeze,
and the green cars drive into the pale blue sky. and i had a perfect rainbow,
on a dead winter morning, but every color was just a stepping stone,
to violet, and she never came.
i throw the matchstick on the ground, and drag my foot across it,
to smother the smoke. i consider the irony of a man depriving smoke of air,
as i gently suck in a carcinogen or two. and i know the ground is wet,
and the match was lost and good as dead in all the cold and damp,
but i just felt like i was doing it a favor, no need to suffer,
desperation is such an ugly color,
and i shake and i shiver in the freezing morning.
#2
"my red hands block the orange flame from the yellow breeze,
and the green cars drive into the pale blue sky. and i had a perfect rainbow,
on a dead winter morning, but every color was just a stepping stone,
to violet, and she never came. "

My favorite line, wonderful use of imagery.
The rest is really good too, only part I didn't like was that you said "sinking" twice in the first two lines, but other than that it's really good.
#3
I think this one is even better than your last, the words flow so intricately at some stages its like magic. I could feel some parts of your old magic in here. I'll be honest, this peice got me pretty damn excited. You definitely can't stop posting now.
#4
My favorite lines were "dead quiet sets the air heavy with the resonance
of my next step in the early morning" and the one quoted by Blues.

I'd suggest removing the 'and' in front of "I had a perfect rainbow" though.


I know this isn't much of a crit, but I must say this is brilliant.
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#5
I think you could do something really amazing just concentrating on the two lines where the colours are changing shade by shade.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!