#1
This is my newest attempt at trying to get back
into songwriting. Please crit
C4C if you want. Help or tips
would be greatly appreciated.

"Love Incognito"

I call you up in the middle of the night
cuse I just can't sleep alone.
Ring, ring, "Hello who's this?"
says the guy on your phone
I realize your sleeping with other guys
Finally the time has came
This might be bad, but on the other hand
this is all I have to say...

[Chorus]
Maybe Im better off alone
Walking thiese streets
on my own two feet


and my lyrical burst stopped there.
Hoping to continue it
#2
I like the idea of the song but I think that you're being far too blunt. Ernest Hemingway once said:

"If a writer of a prose knows enough about what he is writing about he may omit things that he knows and the reader, if the writer is writing truly enough, will have a feeling of those things as strongly as though the writer had stated them. The dignity of movement of the iceberg is due to only one-eighth of it being above water."

basically, you can still communicate with your reader through subtext and not laying everything out for your reader. Try using vivid images, unique metaphors and similes. It's easier said than done but I think you'll feel more rewarded when you put your creative mind to the grind and come up with a fresh outlook to your situation.

Hope this made some sense
here, My Dear, here it is
#3
i totally agree with SubwayToVenus dont just put it all out there. for example in thriller type movies they dont just say so and so kills bill and then so and so dies the end. they elaborate and make you think and wonder before revealing anything. think of songwriting like a magic trick. never reveal your secrets.
#4
I agree with you both.
I was trying to try something different than my usual songwriting style
because I tend to get carried away at times with my metaphors and imagery.

I'll edit it in a bit
and see if it gets any better.
Any tips? And yes I really like the idea of this song