#1
Hey guys,
This is the first song I have ever written and it´s for a band project that me and two
friends will start in the near future. It´s most likely far away from being perfect but I´m
pretty confident with it so far. Anyways, I hope you guys can help me out with making it
100% great.

Verse 1:
I am floating through closed doors,
seeing spooky people, asking if there is more.
I´m finding no answers to my questions,
loosing your sympathy, seeing you fall.

Refrain 1:
Who will change,
and what remain?
Noone, Nothing

Just empty stores,
and locked homes.
I´m floating...

Verse 2:
I am floating beside broken walls,
remembering what this was long ago.
I´m trying hard to keep your soul,
if you leave you will take mine too.

Refrain 2:
In empty stores,
and locked homes,
I´m... floating...

Please don´t leave,
come back closer.
Ohhh... No..

Verse 3:
I am floating above wrecks of ships,
looking at the ocean, all colours gone.
The only thing you left is a dying tree,
why can´t you come back floating with me?


Okay guys, hope this is not too bad.
Thanks in advance for crits!
#2
God damn this is the second lyrics I see on UG with dying trees in them. But it was good except for that "Spooky" in the first verse. replace that with like "lost" or something
#3
Quote by D1D8ING
God damn this is the second lyrics I see on UG with dying trees in them. But it was good except for that "Spooky" in the first verse. replace that with like "lost" or something



Thanks man I replaced that. Whats wrong with the "dying tree" phrase btw?

More criticism highly appreciated! C4C
Last edited by Plowback at Jul 6, 2009,
#5
I think "forgotten" would fit in better than "lost" in place of "spooky" but that's just my opinion.
#6
Yeah alright I´ll think about that word. But do you guys have some feedback on the whole song?