#1
Come child.
Bring yourself to the altar;
open palmed in surrender.
Stick out tongue and cheek
and feel Christ's blood rejuvenate.

Come child.
Sing hymns toward the cross;
aim for his side and let your melody
pierce and his guidance
splash against your face.

Come child.
Hold your breath as we push you under.
Soon all the love will be flushed from
heart and head.
You've learned the steps;
now dance with us.

As a chosen.
As a special.
As a clone.

Come child.
Dance on the dead.
#5
To me, this just didn't create a strong enough atmosphere to pull off what you were trying to acheive. It felt too calculated, too pristine, too neat. The third stanza is the strongest, but even then it didn't have enough energy for me. This one was a miss, but welcome back. (Banjo Kazooie FTW )
#6

I couldn't find any connection with this whatsoever. It just felt like it had nothing going for it. You can do much better. I couldn't find any story, and method, any madness, nothing. Sorry to be harsh but it just felt bland.




love is a dog from hell.



#7

Come child.
Bring yourself to the altar;
open palmed in surrender.
Stick out tongue and cheek
and feel Christ's blood rejuvenate.
There's nothing wrong with this. Then again, it's not right either.

Come child.
Sing hymns toward the cross;
aim for his side and let your melody
pierce and his guidance
splash against your face.
Best part in my opinion. the rest of the piece doesn't even compare to it.

Come child.
This 'come child' is becoming a bit repetitive and bland to me. Personally I would do away with the first two occruences.
Hold your breath as we push you under.
<sarcasm>'push you under'. Nice, that's original.</sarcasm]>
Soon all the love will be flushed from
heart and head.
You've learned the steps;
now dance with us.

As a chosen.
As a special.
As a clone.
This doesn't quite tickle my pickle.

Come child.
Dance on the dead.

Strange piece, I must say.
I don't have a very positive attitude about it to be honest.
Also, it seems like all your ingredients are present for your poetry pie, but you forgot to prebake the oven and you ultimately pulled this pie out too soon. It came out a little doughy I'm afraid. Didn't taste very good and it wasn't strong enough to hold itself together. When I tried to take a piece it broke apart on my plate and just flattened into a pile of mush.
nom nom nom, pie <3
Promises meant a lot back then.