#1
she says her summer could be better.
That's what happens when you only play the safe bet.
high risk, high reward,
but if you never play you begin to get bored.

Told her to come over so we could talk
she brought a friend,
moral support i suppose
I'd love to say everything thats jammed up in my head
instead it's all lying on my bed staining the sheets.
There's more than one way to get things off your chest,
I could use my hands
I could use my teeth
but you only want me to use my ears.

I see a blurry world through her tears,
I can't call them mine because I only see them when she leaves.
Everything's fading and everyones changing,
but I stay the same.
All the lady's love me when their boyfriends call the game,
but give it a week or two and they wont need
their foggy ideas of what they want from me.
#2
Before I begin my crit. I want to ask how old are you?

The reason is because when I began to write all my lyrics, themes, and liners sounded the same intensity and meaning like yours. I began to write about the age of fifteen or sixteen.

Now to the crit.

This whole piece has a very early Taking Back Sunday and Brand New vibe to it. I am not saying that in a bad way at all but rather a good way because I find those early efforts by both bands lyrically to be quite interesting and intense.

There could be some better "one liners" or hurtful remarks put through out the piece. Maybe even some imagery for the reader, but the beginning of a solid, if not excellent, piece is there.

The first stanza is quite cliched but it works out perfectly.

The second stanza could be cleared up a bit and could deff. use some rewording but in general it is a solid effort.

Lastly, the third stanza is where the effort needs to be focused upon. I believe that those last three lines need a bigger punch to their picture, BUT the whole meaning and purpose behind it all fits rather well.

In general, I would say that currently this is a rather average piece but with time it could be something to cherish. At this pace, and no offense to the writer, it will not be something ground breaking or remarkable, but it will be something of a solid song to work on.

Cheers and good luck with the future writings!