#1
learn before ill before ill be your friend; addictions will never mend
even just love his pills; even jesus loves the thrills
the tree's that grow no apples; are hard to fall far from
eyes are made so gentle; what a suprise

[chorus]
help me to help you, help me to help you
help me to help you smile at yourself
[chorus]

reflections arent so beautiful
but im ok with mine, as long as you are too
a point is translucent without a shadow; arrows fly better than birds
we'll cut each other apart; and say the same old words
Quote by herby190
When I saw that, I thought of musical notes.... my elementary school teachers taught them as "tee-tees" "ta-tas" and a bunch of other nonsense....
#2
I like some of the writing in this, but the rhyme scheme in the first stanza seems a little lopsided, and non existent in the stanza after the chorus, also it might be good to make this song a little longer.
It's a good piece, just needs a little tune up.
#3
I would have to agree 100% with the person above me, but I would like to add a little more detail in my opinion.

I believe that the first line is a bit awkward to read, but that does not mean it would come out occur in who ever is singing the piece.

Second, I am not really in love with the whole "apple tree" analogy. Don't get me wrong I love the idea it is trying to show but I just feel that it is a bit "sluggish" to the whole piece.

You're going to get this a lot but the chorus writing compared to the "verses" seems a bit rushed and not as well rounded.

Overall, I think that this piece is very close to being good material but needs a new analogy for the tree, tighter chorus, and I would love one more stanza.

The idea behind the piece is thought out well too.