#1
I've been away from writing for quite sometime, but this is one of the first tracks I decided to write. Please tell me what you think. The song tells the story of a relationship between a guy who is pretty much more popular and higher on the totum pole than the girl he is dating and pretty much using for sex, ****s and giggles,etc. Teen romance seems to be something I'm decent at writing and all of its bull**** so I hope that everyone does enjoy.

Yes, there is a "Brand New" reference and two Dylan references in the piece. The song title comes from staring at the image of Dylan's new album cover art.

By the way, it is a hip hop piece ironically.

As We Ride Through The Local Streets Tonight,
Underneath festive decorations draping from the flickering lights,
Resting my michevious hand against your thigh,
I'll whisper the words, you'll whimper their meaning until you die
Together Through Life
Together Through Life

Come as you may,
And for happiness there is always a price to pay,
Broken, Battered, and some might say abused?
But loneliness is everything that you asked to loose.
As he'll thrust his lips onto you, so fragile
Reminding you that this love could never dim like any sorta candle,
a wittiness thats never tempted you so much,
felt so secure with each and every touch,
a love with its reign of lots and parks,
he is seemingly the ace in the deck of cards
the river tide beats against the rocks,
as your heel becomes impatient in your socks,
it's all about the quiet things that nobody ever knows
except that both your hearts beat on the same flow,
and you'll ride all day and night
along nine, one thirty six, and five
believing youre his queen,
at least in Riverside Gardens it would be deemed.

Emotions run along my arm onto your palm
As the sun beats against our laying bodies on the lawn,
the beach has been our kingdom,
believing each word youve preached from dusk to dawn,
baby, please repeat those words you said to me that night
cause since then its all felt so right,
Together Through Life
Together Through Life

Lit your first cigararette,
coughed, spit up some flem a bit.
he smirked, you smiled
you were jealous his eyes never stayed on yours all that while
a never finished meal plate
the dates have now felt pre on the calculate,
now the future beginning to feel like the past,
spent those nights turning and toss, "how long will all of this last?"
but all your friends said hes the coolest boy in town
bet frank zappa had his image when he wrote "bobby brown"
you've become bone, skin, and makeup
not even your best friend can turn that frown face up.
and so as he whispered cliches into your ear,
forgetful heart is all that you could hear,
but at the end of them days,
first love lingers on always.

a dorm bleak, cold, and all alone
Butt on the bed, back against the wall, talkative on the phone.
Each day without him never seems to end,
Waiting for sunrise so you can text and send.
And when youve lost all your faith that you believe,
asking for those words as you both stared across the seas,
Together Through Life
Together Through Life.

If it had been broken from the start,
Can you blame all this sorrow on a damaged heart?
woke up one morning,
thought that missed call was from him flirting.
memories ingulfed in flames
now your time is spent on self blame
letters, poems, and photographs
and it looked like he did it all for a laugh
so you'll sit and try to bare,
while you deaf out each ear
trying to stay with each line
but all that comes out your tongue
Together Through Life
Together Through Life
#2
gym class heroes much?
great!


i liked it alot.
so much, in fact, that i couldnt even do a full crit like i would have liked to do.

thanks for writing this.
=]
#3
All things considered, It's difficult to reply to. It reads well, and it sounds like it'd be good for hip hop, but I dunno about the theme. It's an alright concept, but... I dunno. I can say that it probably would be easier if I knew the chord progression. You mostly seemed to try to make everything an image of some kind. It worked well in some cases (Para. 4) and not so much in others (Para. 5).

I suppose there is such a thing as too detailed =P You found it. Congrats. Tailor it back just a little, and you'll have the advantage most artists don't have, in that you can choose to be simplifying a piece instead of desperately trying to build it up more.
#4
I quite enjoyed this. It flowed well, had a decent theme, the majority of the images worked. It felt a bit long, but if it's hip-hop it'll probably move at a decent pace, so that shouldn't be a problem. It's hard to have anything really hard hitting or ground breaking in a subject like this, but still, I read all of it and I stayed interested, so that's all that matters really. Would like to hear it.
#5
What I like that youve done here, is that it wasnt just straight imagery, many beginer lyrics seem to be too straight forward and sound less thought out and cliche, but you have seemed to keep it much more artistic by saying something and then allowing the listener to think about it and then figure out what it means. Few cliches used which is very nice.

Well Done.