#1

Who hurt your heart, hen?
Hell, look at yourself,
homebound and drowned
in the curves of a ripple,
deep down in a well
of self pity; with a single
mind cell, swimming
to safety,
dripping your miserable
dreams to a puddle.
You wish for that which is just
beyond your grasp,
saving penny to penny
for the last spine on sale.
Mine’s not quite as bendy,
but I’m handy
when nobody notices.
Lend me your hand, friend.


This is not a pipe
#3
I like the water allusions
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#4
The first line is really great. I think there's a more delicate way to phrase "deep down in a well of self pity". And if you could introduce some kind of imagery about grasping/reaching what's out of your reach: perhaps describe trying to grab a rope that could bring you out of a well....
#5
oh yeah, this is a great great poem. When the I comes in at the end its just so masterfully subtle, in cadence, and at the same time taking the reader off guard.

its something so big in something so small, and thats what makes poetry great and thats why this is great poetry.
#6
I enjoyed this quite a bit, especially the last half. The only line that I'd even think twice about is the "well of self-pity" one Sam mentioned, I thought it could maybe be a little more original. Not enough to really hurt the piece though. Great read.