Incubus_Rage_27
UG's Lazy Stoner
Join date: Dec 2005
692 IQ
#1
Hey guys,
This is my first post in here for a while. I'm 18 now and hopefully I have upped my game since i last came on here, but I guess that's for you guys to decide.
Basically what I've got here is a piece for my metal band. Were a UK underground act and were influenced by anything from Impending Doom to Parkway Drive or even Abigail Williams, but the main aim was to achieve a powerful and epic track that's more slow and and a bit longer to contrast our more upbeat tracks. It starts heavy and dischordant but the rest is a series of more melodic stuff building up to the finale.
Any Crit given either negative or positive would be much appreciated and gladly returned so please feel free to give your opinions.

Cheers.

NOTE: The GP5 file without MIDI on the end sounds a hell of a lot better in RSE.

EDIT: There is now an mp3 uploaded of the RSE that sounds surprisingly good for guitar pro here:
http://www.mediafire.com/?tnd2mazy51m
Attachments:
RETRIBUTION.zip
Last edited by Incubus_Rage_27 at Jul 8, 2009,
afterthewar
Team Wallace
Join date: Feb 2009
854 IQ
#2
The beginning doesn't really fit. Also, the cymbal at the beginning... it made me want to claw my eyes out. The rest of the song is great though. Especially the clean part with the solo. That was pretty sweet.
Quote by Fassa Albrecht



I love you!


Quote by jibran
You live in Australia.


Bill Frisell Group
Bigaxmax
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2008
655 IQ
#3
Nice work man. VERY impressive.

a few things stuck out, like... riffs like track 5 - bar 57 are physically unplayable unless you have super massive hands. and also the chugga chugga riff at bar 46 seemed a bit out of place.

i could also suggest, because of its melodic and kinda hardcorish nature, maybe instead of that insane arm numbing tremolo picking, perhaps tapping leads or something? i really think that would suit if you found a sweet idea that sounded good.

i really liked the contrast into the clean solo area too, very nice transitions.

all that said.. ill point out my favourite parts, besides it all haha >: D
riffs starting at bars:
9
32
67
88
93 (given that i imagined an amazing lead guitar tone rather than the jutting guitar pro tremolo picking, also with a slight bend toward the end of the first tremolo picked note :P lovely)

i think that the areas to highlight are the main guitar riff i.e bar 27. which is very cool and fancy to show off with, and then into the whole, HEADBANG WITH ME BITCHES! parts. very cool song structure for a performance.

overall, amazing work!
Carl6661
UG Freak
Join date: Oct 2007
2,096 IQ
#4
I really liked this piece! Although, this isn't a genre I have music interest, so don't take this crit' to heart.

The intro, very eerie. The chugging guitars kill the mood a little. But looking at the genre - this kind of this usual, so don't worry with that so much.

23, the riff was good. I didn't like the drums untill the beat picked up a couple of bars later though. Then there's a harmony, nothing that hasn't been done already there.

I didn't like the part after it, it just sounded out of place, I thought.

46 and 50 was a good breakdown, but again - Nothing I haven't already heard.

55, riff again. Nothing wrong there, as such.

60, sorry, but those drums are aweful, in my opinion. Blast beats and such do nothing for me. I liked the triplet fill at the end though.

The clean guitar bit... is that even possible? Without tapping? It seems a bit impractical. But I can imagine it sounding awesome with some delay and adding an almost Post Hardcore element to the song. 83, when shxt came back in - Totally awesome.

By 88, I'm bored of the clean part. The lead in the background was good. The fill at 92 on drums, I liked that. The section after, with the tremolo picking, did nothing for me though.

The lead that comes in was good, but sounded messy with the tremolo picking. The fade out worked well.

Overall, not great. But not bad. 7/10
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
AA00P
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2008
87 IQ
#5
Interesting.
-Bars 1-18 are pretty good, what with the creepy lead going over the dissonant chugging.
-Doesn't flow well at all with the riff right afterwords. Goes from deathcore-esque to gothenburg-y far too quickly. Work on a more fitting transition? Idk. The riff at bar 19 is absolutely superb.
-36 is pretty good. Flows well, does its job.
-I can see what you're trying to do at 45 and I think it's pretty effective, but I really don't like the ensuing breakdown. Too bland and generic, you're capable of so much more (the rhythm sounded awkward to boot).
-I like the return to the main riff, but again, the transition seemed a bit quick.
-Clean part with the solo is fantastic, though I changed it to the jazz guitar instead of clean guitar cause I like the sound of that one better. I imagine once recorded it'll sound eargasmic.
-Bar 83 is very good, great transition.
-I don't like the rhythm at 88 though. The whole idea of the chugging chord progression's fine, but the particular pattern used (same as the earlier breakdown yeah?) I really don't care for.
The leads are quite good though, it really does build up into an epic finale.

Overall, just work on the transition from the dissonant intro to main riff, cut out that breakdown (or improve it, or something) at 46, and change the chugging pattern for the ending part to something more... I dunno, epic?
Either way, good stuff.
Last edited by AA00P at Jul 7, 2009,
CaRveItiNbass
doesn't even play bass
Join date: Oct 2005
917 IQ
#6
Yeah dude, that was really good. In your defense, I am drunk right now, but I really enjoyed it, and so did everyone else in the room. I'm not ususally one for drop tuned dissonant stuff, but it got really melodic as the song progressed. I though that was awesome. You're much welcome to crit the rest of my songs, under my blog called SONGS C4C
XBL GamerTag = IAmSentient6

My gear:
Ibanez Artist
ESP ltd Viper 200
Schecter Diamond 8

Amps:
Marhshall MG30 (for sale)
Line 6 Spider III Half Stack (mine forever)
Interested in Melodic Thrash Metal? ALUSTRIUM AND LAST NAIL DRIVEN!
Garb
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2005
1,776 IQ
#7
1-8: I loved this. So awesome.
9-13: You're making me love this song already. The rhyth and drumming are great for this.
14-17: The lead just dropping off was very sweet. It didn't sound weird at all.
19-31: The riff sounds very nice. It sounds like it's missing something though..
32-35: The harmonization fills this in, especially with the drums.
36-44: I really liked this part. I'm not entirely sure.. But it seems sort of melodic black metal to me, and I love that.
45: I liked the echo.
46-49: I'm not I feel this would fit better if the echo wasn't such a sweet note. Make the echo clash and this will be placed better.
50-54: The rhythm is really messed up. It sounds like it doesn't sound correct in GP. I'm also not sure a breakdown fits in this song. lol
67-74: Sheer epic cleanness.
75-82: Such an awesome lead.
67-82: Beautiful.
83-87: Awesomeness. However.. In track 5 I couldn't hear the palm mutes in 86 or 87.
88-92: I really liked the rhythm and the lead again.
93-96: I like the lead still.
97: Oh my goodness. You made my pants tingle. Please make this part last longer. Please?

Such an awesome song. I wish you didn't live in London. I need people like you around here so I can make a band. lol

If you were to professionally record stuff like this, I'd buy it and listen to it as much as I listen to Dream Theater and Opeth. And that's a lot.

Care to check mine out?
Incubus_Rage_27
UG's Lazy Stoner
Join date: Dec 2005
692 IQ
#8
First I want to say thanks to you guys for the Crit, especially from those of you that don't usually listen to that stuff and were surprisingly un-harsh. perhaps pointless flaming has calmed since i was last on here So yea, basically thank you I will definately be taking some of that advice into account with the song.

Secondly I would like to answer on a few points,

To BigAxMax, yer I get you about the riff that's unplayable, that's just because i wrote it in there just because it was the easiest at the time for sound, ill figure out an easy way to play it when we do it live or, because we have three guitarists we can just have one doing the low parts and two with harmony, so it makes it more practical.

To Carl6661, That clean part was actually the first thing I wrote in this song, there's no tapping its just a delay effect I was playing with, I wrote the ending part first and worked backward, and as you say, I can see why a lot of people don't think the intro or the Beatdown part fit, but you are correct in assuming that its just a genre convention.

To Garb, thank you man, I'll definately check out your stuff and i'll be sure to send you a free copy of the demo when we get it sorted
Watch out for FLOODS exploding onto the UK Deathcore scene this summer.
AngrySockMonkey
Straight Outta Compton
Join date: Oct 2007
1,354 IQ
#9
I am in love with the intro man.
We can only guffaw at all the humbug we are told about martyrs.
ohnoitishorribl
Registered User
Join date: Mar 2009
404 IQ
#10
the intro reminds me of veil of maya
which is a good thing.
i cant open the file for gp5 for some reason
so i downloaded your Mp3
and i gotta ammit this is soooooo goood :]
i really like it dude i would love to try to make something
and if you want you can add on to mine
this isnt my ug account its my friends
mines Webrokeyourbed
give me a message on there and well get this shizzle roller brotha
6 string bass =]
kylendm
Baronboi
Join date: Aug 2006
8,191 IQ
#11
Thanks for the crit
the beginning was perfect in my opinion.
Just the rest really doesnt fit to me. It seems your getting away from your genre completely, unless you were trying. Even so it still worked musically just not ....genreically?? lol is that a new word. Anyway though, it's very good.
Guitars:
Ibanez UV777P
Ibanez RGD2127FX
Ibanez RG3120TW
Ibanez RGD7421
Ibanez SA160
Amps:
Baron Custom Amps K88
Randall RM100
Madison Divinity II
Cabs:
Mesa 4x12
Bogner 4x12
H&K 4x12
FlyingPooooo
Pardon the Insolence
Join date: Jul 2007
1,521 IQ
#12
Did you steal my intro!?
http:/www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2066871#post20668781

Hahahahahah thats sounds so much alike.

Regardless I still like this alot.
The verse is sweet, good harmonies.

Bar 36, I think you could make this good idea a great one. Instead of it being all half notes tremolo'd I think you can improve that section a lot.

Breakdown you need to either stay in key or hit the right note. Just sounds too weird.

Clean part is great, make that solo stronger though. When the distorted guitar comes in that clean lead needs to be distorted, try using the overdriven guitar. Epic outro.

9/10
C4C?
http:/www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2066871#post20668781
-Gear-
Mesa Triple Rectifier---Bogner/Line6 SpiderValve---Orange PPC 4x12

-Pedalboard/Rackmount-
Alesis MidiVerb4--BBE SonicMaximizer 442--Ibanez TS9
Boss DD-3--Morley Mark Tremonti Wah

-Guitars-
Ibanez ART-100
Ibanez S-470
DudE132
Registered User
Join date: Mar 2009
1,085 IQ
#13
Absolute masterpiece. Everything was perfect and I am just amayzed by it. Probably one of the best songs I have ever heard. 10/10
anibawl
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2009
65 IQ
#15
The song was awesome. I only listened to the Mp3, but it was really good