#1
After all those nights
And then we said goodbye
Let the light in the living room burn
It's my turn
To say
**** off
And forget

How the hell can we take this ****
Going too fast and ****ing slipped
I'm hit
I'm down
Lit the fuse
We're gonna go boom tonight

Want these weeks to end quicker
Forget her
Don't let her
Come back in
Let it just be
The end

[END]

Questions comments concerns?
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#3
Actually, I was listening to American Hi-Fi - Break Up Song, while writing this, I suppose it could be Metal. Mostly just me angry that my ex won't leave me alone :p
No one throws away porn, their like heirlooms, pass them down your family tree!
#5
Quote by Kn1fer
Actually, I was listening to American Hi-Fi - Break Up Song, while writing this, I suppose it could be Metal. Mostly just me angry that my ex won't leave me alone :p


Lol it works for metal :P I liked the shortened verse (In metal at least), and it's easier on the ears. Maybe find a replacement word for 'her' in the last 4/3 lines, just since it's repeating the same ending, which tends to be boring (Unless the music backs it up, which I obviously don't know, so it's a lot more optional)

But yeah, good
#6
You use enough expletives that this could be a limp bizkit song

It's not bad by any means, but there are so many songs that have similar themes that it wouldn't stand out.
#7
Quote by Echoplex
You use enough expletives that this could be a limp bizkit song

It's not bad by any means, but there are so many songs that have similar themes that it wouldn't stand out.


lol ya I wasn't expecting to hit chart topping records with this not so original songs but hey

It's a song about the everyday mans everyday problem!
No one throws away porn, their like heirlooms, pass them down your family tree!
#8
I liked this too.

I think my favorite part was: "How the hell can we take this **** / Going too fast and ****ing slipped". I don't know, for some reason I can imagine that sounding really cool in a song. Those two lines struck a chord with me.

But yeah, I loved it because of how explicit it was (not just the swear words, but the song altogether) and it's a song I totally relate to.
here, My Dear, here it is
#9
thank you! Yea I really didn't imagine it being all that explicit , I wrote it in about 5 - 8 minutes just going off how I felt I was kind of actually worrying about it not having enough explicitness lol I guess you could say :P
No one throws away porn, their like heirlooms, pass them down your family tree!