#1
This is the first song I have written. Its a song for my band. Please help.

I've given up
your blood is cold and your skin is tough

And I hate it (I hate it)
the way you fake it (I hate it)
when your around me

Im not waiting for you
hurting or praying too
all those years ago
where did you go
I wont stay for you
the pain you put me through
four years I've wasted
and you wont face it

I wont compromise
for the way that I feel inside

And I hate it (I hate it)
the way you fake it (I hate it)
when your around me
(around me, your around me)

Its so severe
the doubt that we share

And I hate it (I hate it)
the way you fake it (I hate it)
when your around me
And I hate it (I hate it)
how you fake it (I hate it)
when your around me
#2
I like it actually.

Particularly this:

"And I hate it (I hate it)
the way you fake it (I hate it)"

I like how it repeats the (i hate it) part in both lines.


Quote by Våd Hamster
Find a dice and assign a number to each girl. Throw the dice.


The number you hope for at the moment you throw the dice, is the one you'll want to keep.
#3
Quote by thanksgiving
I like it actually.

Particularly this:

"And I hate it (I hate it)
the way you fake it (I hate it)"

I like how it repeats the (i hate it) part in both lines.


This is where I disagree. I think the (I hate it) repeats are just overkill and detracts from the song, they are not necessary. The lyrics of your song are strong enough without them.

Overall, I think this is a really, really good first effort for writing a song. I do like it a lot.
#4
Haha thanks the "(I Hate It)" parts, or all parts in brackets were either back up vocals or a guitar riff following the vocal line of it. Any improvements?
#5
Quote by VanadiumLG
Haha thanks the "(I Hate It)" parts, or all parts in brackets were either back up vocals or a guitar riff following the vocal line of it. Any improvements?


Well since that is the case, I don't think you need to change a thing than. The lyrics are great and I don't believe I would change anything then.

Get these lyrics put to some music, I want to hear them!
#6
I agree that this is a really, really good first effort. I don't have much else to say except that I look forward to reading more of your stuff as you kinda develop your own writing style. At the outset, it's hard to really define your personal style but if you keep writing, then you'll start to mold yourself. So keep writing!
here, My Dear, here it is