#1
Stop the chatter
Pumpkins will splatter
It helps to open the mind.

A coin, just one
beneath his tongue
For the boatman Charon to find.

He searched and sought
to empty his thoughts
and leave them all behind

We'll give him a hand
and take back two
cut him all up
and feed him to you.

you toss and turn
as the fire burns
but the torment isn't yet done

A morbid demise
muffle the cries
of a woman's skin rotten

The earth is fresh
it covers the flesh
concealing an evenings fun

We'll give her a hand
and take back two
cut her all up
and feed her to you

Garnish thy rope
fill it with hope
pull back our heads
and slit our throats
#2
it's definitely fresh, and i hear it as a metal song.

Also like the use of slant rhyme at the end of stanzas 5 and 6 with Done and Rotten. However, it seems like it ends abruptly. But it's pretty good.

Critique one of mine?
#3
I wish I wrote this.
I would totally be your VOX guy and this would be my favorite song.
I'd rather die than go to heaven.

Quote by Chris.Rock.Art
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#4
Quote by BringerOfMetal
I wish I wrote this.
I would totally be your VOX guy and this would be my favorite song.


Man once i finish the music for this song i will proudly take you up on that offer.