#1
lightning struck the graveyard,
and the dead came back to life.
The townspeople went nuts,
and started buying
24 packs of poland spring
water bottles and other products
for survival,
like first aid kits and
dehydrated food,
do we have that yet?

If not, why not?
And where are the flying cars for that matter?
But I digress...
So lightning struck the graveyard,
and the dead came back to life.

My grandpa walked through the door and patted me on the head.
Grandma walked in next and made him coffee.
They sat down on the couch and started talking bout the Brooklyn Dodgers.
How they used to go to the Ballgames for a quarter,
But the cigarette machine was out of order,
and the National guard lost control of the border,
and they caught the whole thing on a tape recorder.

Grandma made fuscilli and sauce,
and knitted sweaters for us kids.
And grandpa Joe tirelessly copleted 1000 piece jigsaw puzzles
of World War 2 airplanes on the kitchen table,
and the hunter was more than able,
while the whole block watched the fight via stolen cable,
and the kid everybody loved was actually quite unstable.

Then my old dog came back to life,
and asked me why I got a new dog to replace him.
i couldn't answer him.
but he didn't want an answer.
He just wanted to make me think.
He forgives me.
#2
errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr its interesting?
GLEN JENSEN. That is all.....


Proud owner of an Ibanez Wh10V2
#3
I wish some of your rhymes weren't as forced as they were; without things like 'table/able/cable/unstable' this would feel a lot tighter and be more of a pleasure to read. I'd twist in some assonance and the odd rhyme to keep the flow going without it; that would make it flow more easily and keep the 'crazy' idea going even in the writing.

I really enjoyed this. I think that the idea was great and the presentation was okay, but you could spice up the writing a fair bit and make it more interesting. I'd really like to see that.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#5
Quote by DigUpHerBones
I wish some of your rhymes weren't as forced as they were; without things like 'table/able/cable/unstable' this would feel a lot tighter and be more of a pleasure to read. I'd twist in some assonance and the odd rhyme to keep the flow going without it; that would make it flow more easily and keep the 'crazy' idea going even in the writing.

I really enjoyed this. I think that the idea was great and the presentation was okay, but you could spice up the writing a fair bit and make it more interesting. I'd really like to see that.


I agree. Don't throw this away.