#1
Got the idea on the wya into work. Roughly OTS. c4c shred it please.


We've got a storm like love girl
Striking with lightning so accurate
Blowing out all with such publicity
With my discharge and your conducting
of our ten thousand volts of lovetricity

We've got a storm like love girl
Intense yet beautiful to see,
Like a flurry of flash bolts
through grand firework finales
in front of wet paint sunsets
reflecting on blue mirror seas

We’ve got a storm like love girl
full of filling clouds all flooding
painting rainbows over mud
cause nothing ever looks as good
after the rain, as the golden sun

We’ve got a storm like love girl
Blocking the sky and all above
Lost in our shadow is the world
While we whip, spin and inter-twirl,
Forever winding in our love-bound swirl
Outside the side box that's outside your sky box.
Last edited by RiddleStinch at Jul 9, 2009,
#2
hahah.
this, actually, was amazing.
could be great. it would definitely take the right music to make it so.
good job.

only complaint i have is the last 3 lines.
the rhymes are forced and it was hard to read.
other than that, good job.


6/10
#3
thanks, did some re-working, I think it flows a little better now. no?
Outside the side box that's outside your sky box.