#1
crit4crit

A MERMAID IN A WISHING WELL

I want to put you down on such solid ground
That you begin to float high above the clouds
High up to Heaven, where you came from
Make a pinky promise with the Hand of God
To never forget how divine you are
To never let the World drag you down
But if you ever fell into your faults
I would find a line to fish you out
Because I've done it before or so I believe
Anyways I'm sure I pulled you out of my dreams

I've seen you swim down inside my wishing well
So I took a chance, tossed a coin
And boy I'm glad I did
'Cause girl you know
That you are
One in a million

Now I'm beggining to talk in cliches
But I really do mean every word I say
That every day you hit me with a thunderbolt
And when it rains you know it pours
But as long as we're together we can weather
Any thunderstorm
And I don't even need no goddam umbrella
All i need is your shelter
My beautiful Ela

ela ela ela
eh eh eh eh
eh eh
#2
First two stanzas were mostly good, with just the odd cliche, but there were several lines I really enjoyed.

Third stanza and the last "ela..." part was horrible. It's one thing to write a horrible song, but to copy one?
#3
the first stanza was good, it really drew me in but the second was a big let down, as you said was very cliche. The third stanza was a bit better then the second but still lacked the original tone of the first.
Outside the side box that's outside your sky box.
#4
Liked the first stanza and the play on the other song at the end. It's not copying if you are using its popularity as "the point" behind the reference.

Really enjoyed the pinky promise image. Not a whole lot of impact, but an okay read. I'm probably overstepping my bounds, but it seems to me like you want to write and aren't sure what to write about. The "girl" in your last two seems to have been a recent addition to your themes, but you aren't really weaving her deep into the poem... just leaving her on the surface which makes it uncomfortable to the reader... and also leads me to believe you want to write about her but aren't sure how to approach it. Not sure if that's at all true... but the way you present her makes it come off like that to me; which makes it seem a lot less sincere than I, as a reader, could hope for.