#1
Just some lyrics for this really pretty sounding acoustic song I wrote. The music goes extremely well with the words, so they might be lackluster by themselves but crit away and leave a link.

[verse]
Your image is the perfect
Reflection of everything good inside of me
Time is nothin but a hole
To be filled by your perfect eyes of green
I want to deserve your love
And preserve my place
In the roses above your chin
Every morning is beautiful
Cus its a million more of your smiles to win

[bridge]
I thought our paths were leadin away
That its long past time for us to part
Our love will never be young again
Its only life and life is so hard
And so I left that day
Thinkin you felt the same

[chorus]
You stopped me at the train
With tears you couldnt hold back
You said I'm sorry
I don't know who I am without you
And I took you in my arms
My world turned from black
I thought I would die a lonely man
And it changed just like that
Love is a jump in the dark
It's blind faith
In the human heart
Yes love is a jump in the dark
And your alone
Til you land on something worth dyin for

[verse]
Though our dreams don't say the same things
I hope theres a part they share
Cus I know whatever I do and wherever I go
I would always like ya to be there
When your gone its like a setting sun
And I'm the last ray of light holdin on
I disappear overcome by night
Desperately waiting for the dawn
#2
Quote by Serrana
Just some lyrics for this really pretty sounding acoustic song I wrote. The music goes extremely well with the words, so they might be lackluster by themselves but crit away and leave a link.

[verse]
Your image is the perfect
Reflection of everything good inside of me
-Given what you said at the start, i don't want to encourage much change, however, the linebreak here makes it extremely hard on the reader. Maybe try:
Your image is so perfect,
Reflecting everything good inside of me

Time is nothin but a hole
To be filled by your perfect eyes of green
-Perfect should rarely describe multiple things in the same stana, with so many words more tasteful in this description.
I want to deserve your love
And preserve my place
In the roses above your chin
Every morning is beautiful
Cus its a million more of your smiles to win
-Why can no one type out Cause at least? >.< Win really doesn't do anything for me here.

[bridge]
I thought our paths were leadin away
That its long past time for us to part
Our love will never be young again
Its only life and life is so hard
And so I left that day
Thinkin you felt the same
-Works well for what it is

[chorus]
You stopped me at the train
With tears you couldnt hold back
You said I'm sorry
I don't know who I am without you
- You need to identify when changing between uses of I. just put ""s around the two previous lines
And I took you in my arms
My world turned from black
-This really leaves a loose end. What did it turn from black to?
I thought I would die a lonely man
And it changed just like that
Love is a jump in the dark
It's blind faith
In the human heart
Yes love is a jump in the dark
And your alone
Til you land on something worth dyin for
-Again, the last few few words of the last line don't really wrap it up as nicely as it could be. While the imagery has improved

[verse]
Though our dreams don't say the same things
I hope theres a part they share
Cus -WHY I know whatever I do and wherever I go
I would always like ya to be there
When your gone its like a setting sun
And I'm the last ray of light holdin on
I disappear overcome by night
Desperately waiting for the dawn
-If it weren't for the that terribley overpopular book series, dawn would certainly be the most abused form of daily conversion.


While the overall song sounds good for an acoustic track, the endings to the stanza never felt as powerful as they could be. If it sounds good played and sung, don't change a thing (other then spelling!) but consider some stronger ending lines.
#3
Very good as an acoustic track...agreed. A bit choppy. I didn't get the part about getting your world turned black. But overall sets a sad mood. Critique mine if you can...its called Paralyzed by Choice.
WTMOTHERF! Make me a cow plz!
#4
I read this song mainly for the fact that I'm an acoustic enthusiast and the song just made me love it more, just for the fact that it was about love.

The overall imagery was amazing but again, as said above, that one stanza COULD have been a little more powerful. But I'm not into the technicalities of lyrics like a lot of the critics here are, I focus more on the energy and the overall meaning behind the words (not saying those people DON'T but they seem to focus more on analyzing instead of appreciating; i hope I didn't piss anyone off there xD).

I hope if you do go back and rewrite this that you don't change TOO much of it because it really is good. Also, if you ever record it I'd be interested to see how it goes along with music. =D
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