#1
Crying into hourglasses
Motives stuck inside molasses
Left alone inside our shattered mind

A royal flush in a Euchre game
Our situations are the same
Out of place; we’re all the same kind

We wake up with the crying mistress
We wake up with a lonely Christmas
If Jesus walks on water, why do I drown?

The candy-coated expectations
That we gave obliteration
We don’t care that we let them down

(chorus)
Our eyes are overflowing now
Outside our sun is snowing now
We slammed our head against the wall
We slammed our head we couldn’t fall
Asleep
Fall asleep
(/chorus)

Now the broken boy-band serenade
Can never express the debt we’ve paid
We owed it nothing, and that is what we gave

A one-night stand under the streetlight
Never again shall we meet sight
But its ok its an important road to pave

A cigar box full of cigarettes
An overflowing cellarette
But a small smile is all that we ask

The system is broken
Our life bears our own token
Love simply bursts from our cask

(chorus)
Our eyes are overflowing now
Outside our sun is snowing now
We slammed our head against the wall
We slammed our head we couldn’t fall
Asleep
Fall asleep
(/chorus)
(bridge)
Shattered glass from broken dreams
Our hearts exploding at their seams
Please don’t catch me
I know I won’t die
(/bridge)

The barman can’t drive home tonight
He poisons himself but he’s not contrite
He knows how to survive in front of its fist

And the lonely girl screams louder than life
She’ll cut out her soul with a homemade knife
All she wanted was more than a tryst

Our broken heart reverberates
We don’t see fit to procreate
We can’t leave, but we still can’t stay

In a ruffled French blazer with eyeliner
We have a taste for things much finer
This is all an act, our beautiful cabaret
"I is another." - Rimbaud
#2
I really enjoyed this. There were a lot of lines that resonated with and struck a chord. For example, I thought the chorus was especially well-written and instilled a certain mood that spread over the rest of the song. Also, your third verse was really evocative as was the fifth. There were a lot of good lines here.

However, my one criticism stems from my praise. You had a lot of good lines and a certain tone that radiated from them but I was unable to piece them together and see how one image lead to another in terms of meaning. Now that may just be proof of my shortcomings as a critical reader of your lyrics, but I still think there is a kernel of truth there. I would suggest that you make it a little and more concise. That's just me though.

Great writing nonetheless.
here, My Dear, here it is
#3
I've read this multiple times. I came back to it today, to see if there were any critiques on it, and I was sad to only find one.

I really like this piece. I did. It was just good. Filled with good imagery. The one thing I'm not very fond of, is the last line of the chorus. It just doesn't seem to flow very well with the rest of the chorus/piece. Good job though. Could you critique Open Door? It's in my sig.